35 replies to this topic

[Struggling teen]

Does Hashem still care for me? Did He disown me? I have these questions and I'm wondering about them I'm going thru hard times as a teen I feel helpless at times and sad and useless and even like a piece of garbage so my attitude to life bec of this is sad depressing etc so I'm a bad Jew I don't daven, few times I didn't keep Shabbos, cursed etc so is this why every time I try to make thIngs better and I cry and feel so alone etc is it pointless is god laughing at me and saying like "what the heck does she expect?!" this is what I believe bec if he loves me then he won't make me suffer so much over and over he won't make me feel so alone and sad! I mean the way my life is it shows that not only doesn't he love me but that he doesn't care about me?!
Noone understands me so I'm wOndering if someone here does...

[taon]

Hashem loves you. This all does not change that, it can’t change, because Hashem us by definition unchanging. And why wouldn’t He love you? You try. And even if you didn’t. Fact is, Rav Yerucham Levovitz zt”l says that Hashem’s love is not dependent on what we do.  It’s constant and unconditional love. SO why are thigns bad now? Well, first off, it’s all a test. The yeter hora is comfortable when we are, it’s when we try to get out of the muck that he stirs up trouble. But it’s not just that. It’s difficult in order to help you change. Many people get spiritual highs around Yomim Noraim, or at various times, but they don’t last.  They can’t, because they came without the proportionate work and effort. permanent change requires hard work and even difficult times. What’s more, its psychologically better. Having difficulties during this stage ensures you know how strong you are (and you clearly are), your dedication perseverance. Of course you’ll crash a bunch of times, that’s normal. But you’ll feel cleansed and like you can restart, forgiven.

Do you want to talk? can we help?

[Morgenstern]

>Feeling guilty about cursing

Excuse me, but youre not breaking any issurim by cursing. Maybe its a sin in Christianity, but not in Judaism.

Using curse words isn't breaking the issur of verbal abuse (unless thats how it is being used) and neither is it breaking the issur of using naval peh (Naval peh is only applied to vulgar sexual language).

Now, its very true that we have to speak in a lashon naki, and cussing definatley isn't refined, BUT you have to show me where in Shulchan Aruch it says its an issur lav to drop a (non-jewish) swear word.

[Struggling teen]

Thank you for answering and caring it means a lot to me many ppl don't I rly dont have a support groupp....

I font know where to begin every year month day minute second life goes crazier and crazier from school issues to home issues I feel so alone no one understands me they just say it's drama I domt know when they will c when it's not... u say that god loves me and etc how do u saythat?! He tortures me and makeseverything impossible and makes me get physically sick from all this emotional stuff this is called love?!

[rocksdontfly]

He does love you. I promise. Everyone in this world has a different mission that is unique to them. No one is the same. If we were we wouldnt be here! We dont need extras right?

HaShem created teshuva before He created the world because logically it doesnt make sense. If you break a vase, even if you glue every piece back together again you can still see that they are glued together. Its not perfect like it was before. Teshuva makes it that you cant see the lines of the pieces. Its a new vase and its beautiful.

If a son desides to run away, the father isnt angry at him. He loves his son and he wants him to return! YOU ARE HASHEMS PRINCESS and HE LOVES YOU!

You can do it!! We believe in you and most importantly, HaShem believes in you.

[Struggling teen]

Teshuva?! How am I supposed to do that when every second god drops another bomb on me! Everything just goes bad I feel so lonely!

[Punims]

He's only dropping bombs on you BECAUSE of His love. Hashem only tests those that can handle it and stand it. He knows you can do it. If you couldn't, He'd be ignoring you.

 

And you're thinking... I wish He WOULD ignore me, them maybe I can get some peace and quiet around here.

 

But He knows... He knows how wonderful you are and how much you can handle and that is why He keeps testing you, over and over and over. Because you are just that awesome.

 

It's hard to internalize, trust me.. I know. But every once in awhile, if you remind yourself of this, it gets a teeny bit easier.

[Struggling teen]

But I can't I can't handle this I can't! I really can't!! This doesn't show love! Love is when you help someone and u just love them and don't need to drop bomb shells on the person!

[Punims]

If there was a math teacher who thought that one kid was really really smart, she'd keep testing that kid by giving them more work than the other girls. She'd challenge her and the girl might think, "why is she choosing me out of all the other kids? Why is she bugging only me?" And we know the teacher is ignoring the other kids because she knows they can't do it. But this one girl that she is choosing to challenge - is because she knows she will only grow smarter in math - if she continues to challenge her.

 

Hashem knows you can grow to great heights. Your friend who have it all perfect, they are fine the way they are. But you -- you are just amazing and He loves you MORE than other people, that's why He's challenging you so much. Put some spunk into it! Show us that you can do it! He knows you can.

 

Talk to Him. Tell Him how you feel. "G-d, I know you think I can do it. But I just can't! And if you think I can, then show me. Send me the help that I need. The person that I need to get through this!"

[Struggling teen]

Punims u know how many times I said that?! U know how many times I cried ad cried and begged him to show me and help me because I can't do it! And I'm still here being tortured and hurt!

[Punims]

You are just that amazing person. I trust that Hashem knows you can do it, so all we need to do is to get YOU to trust Him! Now what can we do to get you to have the upper hand with all this? What troubles are we talking about?

[Struggling teen]

How am I supposed to trust Him when He let me done do many times?
My life is messed up everything is just out of control and crazy!

[Punims]

He never let you down. Your outlook on it makes you think He did. But in His outlook, He has always been carrying you. I know the feeling though. Actually today I read something that made me feel better. The story about the farmer that was showing a city guy what a farmer's life is like. So the farmer shows the guy his beautiful field and the city guy is amazed. Then the farmer goes and turns over the beautiful grass and makes holes in the ground. City guy is shocked, why would you do that?! Then he sees how little green shoots are coming up and he goes, "ohhhh".

 

Then when there are great big stalks of wheat, the farmer cuts it down. "What? You're crazy!" Then the farmer smashes them and turns it all into dust. The city guy can't understand why he would take such wonderful stalks of wheat and crush them. Then the farmer shapes them and puts them into the oven. City guy: "After all that hard work, now you're going to burn them??" Then he takes out delicious loaves of bread.

 

This made me feel better because it shows that each time the city guy thought he had it all figured out and then BAM, it got destroyed again. But each "destroying" was really helping to build that beautiful loaf of bread.

[Struggling teen]

But what if it doesn't lead to something good?

[Drowning]

Struggling teen, it will eventually, even though right now it seems impossible. That's the idea of that mashal: every single time it looked like it was all over, that was the precise point at which it moved to a different level of existence. I once heard a quote (although I don't know the original source) that "The end is always good, and if it's not good, it's not the end." But that doesn't always mean that it feels or seems good at any given point, which is why we need to remember this.

[Struggling teen]

But u know how long I've been waiting just for a "love pat"?!!!! FOREVER!!!! situations come up and never did it end happy!!!

[taon]

I dont know how to answer these things, and ive been waiting for someone more experienced to come along, but it seems they are all away. I cant explain why youre going through what you are, but i have seen many tiems that things do get better, even impossible situations. and sometimes we can even see why it was necessary to suffer first.

One thing i can suggest is to take notice of,a nd express thank for, tiny kindnesses. I know how it feels, like is this supposed to make up for X, but thats not what it is. just noting such things can make more good things happen, or be noticed.

 

I would suggest a sefer on inspiration or bitachon or chizuk, i dont know what one would be ebst for you but maybe try looking around local shuls and reading them slowly so they can help.

 

i saw you posted details of whats going on, i dont want to put t up becuase Rav Shapiro might not see it when he returns, but i can copy it over if you want so we can try to help you also.

[living2learn]

Just something to build on what Taon said if it's at all possible for you, try to focus on some tiny, little piece of good every day.  I had a teacher once who made us keep a "grattitude journal" - I forget if it was every day in class, or every week, and how many things we had to write down, but that doesn't really matter.  Even one thing a day - you can think about it while you say Modim, or just at night before you go to bed.  Writing it down might help.  Something different every day, no repeats.  Be grateful that you have toenails, or no ingrown toenails, or something.  If possible, try to connect it to something that happened that day, specifically (you saw someone get a paper cut; you're grateful that you didn't get a paper cut... - that would have made your day worse!)  I am NOT saying that things aren't difficult, nor that you are being actively negative.  But it always helps to frame things in a more positive light when we are actively searching for the good.  Good luck and I hope things get better soon!

[Struggling teen]

What do u mean?
And where is he?

[Struggling teen]

Just something to build on what Taon said if it's at all possible for you, try to focus on some tiny, little piece of good every day. I had a teacher once who made us keep a "grattitude journal" - I forget if it was every day in class, or every week, and how many things we had to write down, but that doesn't really matter. Even one thing a day - you can think about it while you say Modim, or just at night before you go to bed. Writing it down might help. Something different every day, no repeats. Be grateful that you have toenails, or no ingrown toenails, or something. If possible, try to connect it to something that happened that day, specifically (you saw someone get a paper cut; you're grateful that you didn't get a paper cut... - that would have made your day worse!) I am NOT saying that things aren't difficult, nor that you are being actively negative. But it always helps to frame things in a more positive light when we are actively searching for the good. Good luck and I hope things get better soon!

It doesnt help me it just get me depressed that can't find anything!!!

Taom- can u post it when he comes back?