19 replies to this topic

[Morgenstern]

I hate being frum. I hate the fact I have to wake up every morning and say brachos. I hate the fact I need to say brachos before I eat. I hate keeping Shabbos. I hate keeping kosher. I hate the fact my family thinks Im a whackjob for not celebrating pagan holidays. I hate being single and shomer negiyah. I hate the fact my family is brainwashed into thinking they must have as many kids as possible to be a real person, I hate that I need to stand three time a day and daven. I hate the fact I have to learn and memories halachos. I hate the fact that Im stuck in this religion.

You know why Im stuck? because 3,300 years ago G-d spoke to the Jewish people and said to do these things. Great. Nothing I can do to stop that from being reality. Ok great. So atleast Im doing the right thing. You know what? it sucks. It really sucks to be frum. All I can hope for is to wait for for my soul to leave my body.

G-d, please let it be now.

[taon]

That's not the full reason. The reason is because it's the best thing for us and for the whole world, to help the whole world, and ultimately the most pleasurable in both worlds.

Family issues aside, the problem seems to be seeing it as negative obstacles and restrictions instead of opportunities and good challenges and diamonds and purpose. Hashkafa and mussar seforim and shiurim might help, perhaps you know of some good ones for this?

[Morgenstern]

Naw, I don't accept that. Being frum stinks and its something Im stuck doing. Oh well.

[Morgenstern]

I don't really care about being in the section of Olam Haba for the Jews who kept everything from Alef to to Tav. I'd rather follow the bear minimum and secure my peace of mind in THIS WORLD because if I don't next world is going to be ALOT worse.

[Morgenstern]

Oh well, guess those thoughts make me a shayget. I'll go back to feeling bad about myself and hold on to this as best I can.

[boruchsiper]

A close friend of mine recently went through a long(ish) bout of depression and anxiety. He was describing the same feelings about being frum as you are. Anything to do with Yideshkeit made him sick to the stomach. Yet logically he knew that it is the the ultimate truth. In turn, this constant inner conflict caused him a lot of anxiety. He couldn't understand why he was so disgusted with something he believes in.

 

You have to ask yourself... "Why is it that most frum people feel a sense of accomplishment when they do what a frum person is supposed to do, yet you hate it?"

 

This is either 1. a learned  psychological response, 2. inadequate amount of serotonin (i.e. depression) or 3. as is often the case a combination of both.

Serotonin by the way, is the chemical in the brain that makes us feel good/accomplished when we do things that we believe are right. It is a gift that Hashem built into our brains to encourage us to continue doing more of the same. When there is a shortage of this chemical, a person can't feel good about the things he does right, he can only think about how hard and inconvenient it was to do it.

 

Hence the following comes to mind...

 

 

 

You know why Im stuck? because 3,300 years ago G-d spoke to the Jewish people and said to do these things. Great. Nothing I can do to stop that from being reality. Ok great. So atleast Im doing the right thing. 

 

 

 

I'm no psychologist nor a psychiatrist, but your post seems to be raising many red flags pertaining to depression.

 

Especially the following:

 

 

It really sucks to be frum. All I can hope for is to wait for for my soul to leave my body.

G-d, please let it be now.

 

The above quote is a classic symptom.

 

My buddy started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist on a regular basis. He claims to have started to see marketed improvements shortly into treatment.

 

P.S. in very many cases depression is successfully treated with therapy only.

 

To date, about a year and a half later, he says he feels 95 % better compared to when it started. He isn't the frumest person in the world now, nor is he ecstatic about Yiddeshkeit all the time, but most normal people aren't either.   He's just generally satisfied with his life as a frum person.

 

I'm not diagnosing you but I think it's definitely worth checking out.

 

Remember, in case you do have depression, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's very common (especially among teens and young adults) and it doesn't mean that you are a psycho. It's not any different than an ingrown toenail or diabetes.  In the vast majority of cases it can be successfully treated and managed with therapy, medicine or both.

 

I wish you a lot of luck, and hope Hashem helps you sort this out soon and with ease.

All the best.

[Morgenstern]

I already know I'm depressed. I just have to suck it up and keep moving.

[AYidOnTheWayUp]

Matisyahu

It sounds like you are either a baal Teshuvah or ger, likely a baal Teshuva because a ger wouldnt choose to become a ger if he hates Judaism!

 

Hate is a very strong word and very strong emotion. Theres no way a person can hate doing Hashems mitzvos and learning his Torah, if you "hate it" then I think theres external factors going on in relation to your being observant that are making you miserable. Maybe your family or environment is very difficult and you are having a hard time. I don't think you actually hate putting on Tefillin....

 

I think it would be beneficial for you to learn sifrei chassidus and to learn about how Hashem loves you and it is a privilege to be a Jew. Obviously in this generation it is very challenging because of all the pleasures out there. But you know what? Look at hollywood, look at the music stars, one by one they are drug addicted depressed messes. They have fame fortune good looks whatever you name it and they are so unhappy. Some even commit suicide. All or most of the things they are involved with are selfish and empty. Thats why they are so unhappy. You think its better to be a non Jew? Its not many people today are simply miserable, and if they arent its because they are so busy with distractions that they dont even know how miserable they are because they are so out of touch with themselves. They waste hours on TV shows, movies, facebook and stam internet shtusim and I dont know what else, texting...If the internet went down in the united states for a day Im scared to think of what would happen here....

 

A human was created to love, to give to have meaning and to connect with a higher Being, to connect with Hashem and to live a life that is good in His eyes. When a person doesnt do what he or she was created for and lives a life devoid of understanding the purpose of life and why they were created, the emotions start to get out of control and a person feels angry sad or depressed. So its important to know that you are here because Hashem loves you and chose YOU to do a special mission that only you can accomplish. By living the way you are meant to live you nourish your neshama and are connected to Hashem. The harder you try the more Hashem will help you to see/feel His presence in your life. Additionally your schar in Olam Haba which is eternal will be greater if your challenges are greater and you fought harder to keep the Torah. You think being a Tzaddik means having a long white beard and davening a 45 minute shemoneh esrei. If you have serious challenges and you overcome them and serve Hashem despite your challenges, in Hashem's eyes you are a Tzaddik. You may be greater n Hashems eyes then some people who you think are big Tzaddikim because you are fighting and they were possibly born into a very holy environment and didnt have that many challenges in life and are only doing what comes natural to them.

 

On a slightly different note, I would strongly recommend that you learn sifrei mussar which would help you learn to keep your emotions in check. Hate comes from jealousy and anger. Anger is a very bad middah for one to use. I would also recommend you start going to mikvah every day before shacharis. Mikvah helps you feel besimcha and have a more positive outlook. You will feel cleansed and like a new person and your davening will be on a different plane. I hope I gave you enough to think about for now. I wish you much Hatzlacha!

[taon]

So before you can feel better about Judaism, you need to get past the depresssion. Any idea what it is you feel in particular? Like you're wasting your time, or not good enough, or something else? If you can identify what we can get that dealt with first.

[Morgenstern]

So before you can feel better about Judaism, you need to get past the depresssion. Any idea what it is you feel in particular? Like you're wasting your time, or not good enough, or something else? If you can identify what we can get that dealt with first.

single, shomer negiyah, scraping by in school, dont know what to do for parnassah because of lack of skills

[Morgenstern]

Bleak feelings toward future

[Morgenstern]

Thanks for labeling me at the beginning of your posts and reminding me that I didnt grow up frum.

[Morgenstern]

Also you're wrong I do hate putting in teffelin. Its a burden

[Morgenstern]

I would be much happier as a non-jew, because then I would just master the Noachide Torah, do whatever I want in the morning, get an egg mcmuffin, and marry a latina woman or two.

[boruchsiper]

I already know I'm depressed. I just have to suck it up and keep moving.

 

If you do that, you will continue to suffer needlessly, and so will your yidishkeit. This forum can be a great supplement to therapy, though I don't think it can be a complete replacement. Unfortunately, this forum can't offer you anything as far as medicine is concerned in case you need it.

 

Dear Matityahu, stop sucking it up and start taking control of this situation by getting professional help. I'm sure once you do, you'll wonder why you didn't do it earlier.

 

Think of it this way... If c'v you got laryngitis, would you just suffer with pain, fever, shivers, weakness, lightheadedness and hope that the infection will subside on it's own without putting you in a life threatening situation? Or would you go to a doctor who will prescribe pain/fever killers and antibiotics so that you can get better within a few days while minimizing the side effects in the meantime?

 

Make an appointment TODAY, don't lay this off! You deserve better!

[boruchsiper]

I would be much happier as a non-jew, because then I would just master the Noachide Torah, do whatever I want in the morning, get an egg mcmuffin, and marry a latina woman or two.

Depression can't be cured with an egg mcmuffin and a couple of latina women. It afflicts frum jews and all others in much the same way. If Hashem made a miracle and turned you into a gentile, you wouldn't become any happier. You still would be depressed. You would be saying "if I become a religious jew or a buddhist munk, than I would be much happier."

 

Unfortunately there are geirim who were megayer for this reason and not because they saw the ultimate truth in Torah per say. For the time being Yidishkeit helps them cope. But once the depression is gone, some go back to their old ways. 

 

Once you get passed the depression, you will have the potential to be happier than any gentile can hope to ever be.

[Morgenstern]

Hey guys, Im sorry for my nasty posts. I understand everyone is trying to help me. Im just dealing with living in a community that isn't so big on Yiddishkite. It is very difficult. 

I'm just doing my best to do the right thing.

[taon]

You sound very conflicted in your posts. I wonder if maybe it would help to get in a new environment for a while. Do you have any Rebbeim you could stay by, even for a Shabbos? Are you in Yeshiva?

 

While I don't know your situation, i do sort of know what it is like being in such an environment. having connections to the religious world you can disappear to is essential.

 

Would you be interested in going away for a Shabbos? if you can tell me what area you are in, i might be able to find someone. Or at least a chavrusa/someone to talk to, even over the phone.

 

I agree with Boruch though. It sounds like you are having a hard time getting up the will to do anything. and yet you do anwyay. but if you dont have something to fight the depression, it will keep you from helping yourself. a friend who understands your matzav, a job, something.

[Morgenstern]

Well I admit, I live in a community that isnt so frum and so I really stand out and feel alienated from everything.

Im doing my best to keep my head up and continue doing the right thing.

[Morgenstern]

Not in yeshivah, I live in a city that has Torah...everyone however is very hip and modern. Im not so with it because I dont know anything about Judaism (this is why a yeshivah education is so valuable, folks, otherwise you end up like me)