ever feel this way?
Jailed Within
stuck inside my own heart and mind
jailed behind the iron bars
those on the outside
they don’t understand
trying to explain is futile
i don’t want your pity
not your words of sage advice
maybe i dont even want your company
all i want is to be free
i feel empty
yet so full of so full of pain
so much is weighing down on me
so much i can't put into words
unable to articulate what i truly feel
because it is beyond the scope of my own understanding
i am locked inside
scalding words are offered by my oppressors
those that live in my heart alone
feeling claustrophobic
i gast for some fresh air
how i long to be outside and walk along like all the others
i cant seem to break free
the chains that bind me are so fierce and unyielding
i try my best to cry out
to those on the outside
they don’t seem to hear me
though they nod knowingly and sigh
they can’t help me
that much i know
i call to Gd and ask Him why
why did He have to make it this way
that i should suffer so much pain
my imprisoned state makes me bitter
i am cynical and unforgiving
i don’t care about your opinion of me
but sure have a few choice words for you
the longer i am in this state
the more alone i become
the less motivated i am to even plot an escape
an iron door slowly closes on my cell
once it is shut
my screams are no longer heard
i am more alone than ever
i sink to the ground and berate myself
i am hopeless and so i cease to aspire for better
trapped i will be
sinking deeper and deeper into the confines of my own heart and mind
maybe it has something to do with low self esteem, or maybe just having a bad day? idk i just feel like i want to run away...and although that does help for a while (to escape into my room and listen to music, to write like i did now, to talk to a good friend, exercise, go for a solo walk, go out for some fresh air etc.)
i feel like i keep coming back to this
(this inadequate feeling
which when i think about it sounds a lot like the yetzer hara
using his trademark move of making you feel like you are missing something ( Battle Plans...a book that i think...not sure.. based on the ramchal?)
idk)
what are your thoughts JewswithQuestions?
