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Jailed Within

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#1 ilavHashem



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Posted 22 October 2013 - 04:46 PM

ever feel this way?


Jailed Within


stuck inside my own heart and mind

jailed behind the iron bars

those on the outside

they don’t understand

trying to explain is futile

i don’t want your pity

not your words of sage advice

maybe i dont even want your company

all i want is to be free

i feel empty

yet so full of so full of pain

so much is weighing down on me

so much i can't put into words

unable to articulate what i truly feel

because it is beyond the scope of my own understanding

i am locked inside

scalding words are offered by my oppressors

those that live in my heart alone

feeling claustrophobic  

i gast for some fresh air

how i long to be outside and walk along like all the others

i cant seem to break free

the chains that bind me are so fierce and unyielding

i try my best to cry out

to those on the outside

they don’t seem to hear me

though they nod knowingly and sigh

they can’t help me

that much i know

i call to Gd and ask Him why

why did He have to make it this way

that i should suffer so much pain

my imprisoned state makes me bitter

i am cynical and unforgiving

i don’t care about your opinion of me

but sure have a few choice words for you

the longer i am in this state

the more alone i become

the less motivated i am to even plot an escape

an iron door slowly closes on my cell

once it is shut

my screams are no longer heard

i am more alone than ever

i sink to the ground and berate myself

i am hopeless and so i cease to aspire for better

trapped i will be

sinking deeper and deeper into the confines of my own heart and mind



maybe it has something to do with low self esteem, or maybe just having a bad day? idk i just feel like i want to run away...and although that does help for a while (to escape into my room and listen to music, to write like i did now, to talk to a good friend, exercise, go for a solo walk, go out for some fresh air etc.)

i feel like i keep coming back to this

(this inadequate feeling

which when i think about it sounds a lot like the yetzer hara

using his trademark move of making you feel like you are missing something ( Battle Plans...a book that i think...not sure.. based on the ramchal?)


what are your thoughts JewswithQuestions?


#2 Drowning



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Posted 27 October 2013 - 09:21 PM

ilavHashem, your poem describes how I feel. Empty and disconnected. And the people who I reach out to have no idea how to help, leaving me wishing that I hadn't reached out.

I hope you find someone who helps at least a little.