FIRST: I am a 22 year old girl.
I'm probably going to be berated but I am super annoyed. My sister is autistic and I cant stand her! She has the mental capacity of a 5 year old but shes already 26. She annoys me to no end and I don't want to say I hate her but I definitely resent her. If I ever inherited her if something happened to my parents, I would probably put her in a home despite their complete negativity towards institutions. I dislike her because she talks constantly to me, nonstop and about the same topics. Yes that is an autistic characteristic and I cannot stand it. She disrespects everyone around her because she cannot help it.
I also have this friend who is completely physically handicapped. He cannot talk, walk, eat etc. I befriended him out of pity since he has no friends at all. Zero! I have been friends with him for about a year. He is not frum nor Jewish but hes so alone it makes me sad inside. He talks to me online and since he cannot talk he types with his head machine thingy. Lately, and yes I know its terrible, I cannot stand our conversations. He constantly speaks to me of the pain he is in with his back and I dont have anything else to talk about on my end. My life just isnt that exciting and I ran out of things to talk about. So I told him our conversations are really boring and thats why I log off / dont call him. On a scale of meanness 1-10 I'm positive that was a 10 and yes I do feel guilty but not guilty enough to apologize and befriend him again.
Whats wrong with me?!!? How can I resent these innocent people so much?
PS- Please dont tell me I'm a terrible person for wanting my sister to live in a home and telling the physically handicapped friend he's boring. I know already so I'm just putting that out there.