7 replies to this topic

[Morgenstern]

Hello JwQ .

Heres my problem:I keep embarrassing people. Im always laughing at people, and making snide comments. I know that this is a serious thing that makes people lose their olam haba. I know I can solve this problem by not making sounds with my mouth. But its hard. Is there anything someone can tell me to solve this? Does Rabbi Shapiro have anything to say on this?

Thank you. Please pray for me. (Matityahu ben Rivka)

[Punims]

Can you keep a diary? Maybe rate yourself and write about every day. If you stopped to think how you are doing at the end of every day, maybe it would help you see that what you are doing is hurting other people and especially hurting yourself.

[boruchsiper]

Matityahu, the fact that you recognize you have a problem is praiseworthy and is the first and crucial step to correcting your behavior.

 

There can be many reason why a person would feel that he's benefiting from putting  others down.

 

• he's doing so to compensate for his low self esteem. He feels better about himself when others are lowered.
• Positive reinforcement from peers. It may seem counter-intuitive, but the unfortunate fact is a person with sharp lines is looked up to.
• Abusive home environment which is passed down to others outside the home.
• An attempt to feel dominance and power. This is a yetzer hora that most people have in varying degrees.

There may be many others, but the above list is pretty common.

 

I'm about to ask you a personal question. Remember, figuring this out has the potential to benefit your olam haze and olam haboh in amazing proportions.

 

What do you feel when you're compelled to embarrass others? What perceived gain do you thing you're getting while making belittling remarks to someone? 

[Morgenstern]

I do things to embarrass people because I think its funny and I think the people who see think its funny.

[Punims]

Have you ever been embarrassed??? Can you remember one specific instance?

[Morgenstern]

Yeah I do. I remember feeling really stupid.

[Punims]

Well, can you replay that in your mind and let it try to help you with other people? (Or perhaps I can embarrass you more and see if that helps!)

[taon]

Find other ways to entertain people. learn jokes or magic tricks or just generally act happy. if you need to mock, at least mock things, not people, and silently. (Actually, the Gemrah says the only mockery allowed is about avodah zara. but a little at a time.)