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Sharing A Little Chizuk :)

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#1 sandythedog



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Posted 26 January 2015 - 02:41 AM

I feel like I have struggled to keep my boundaries with guys(not necessarily halachik but definitely a problem), doing better later on, with Hashem's help- learning Torah, mentors, etc. Here's what I want to share:

Hashem didn't create us to choose to either be alone or keep halachos of tznius and shomer. Hashem created us to make connections WITH others, allowing us to have new ways to connect to Him. Until we UNDERSTAND what marriage is about and why we're pulled towards someone of the opposite gender, we can't really have physical contact with someone of the opposite gender in a meaningful way. Besides the fact that marriage is about giving, it's also about growing, as well as connecting to Hashem. If I gave you a fruit to eat BC you're hungry and you swallow it whole, you've filled your stomach but you didn't bring its flavors and juices, its essence, to the forefront. Shomer can, sometimes, be quite a challenge because it's about connecting to someone else and even if we're 'hermit crabs' who like to be on our own, we still want and need that connection to others. You're not crazy if you find shomer challenging-it means you're human, just as you were created :) now the real challenge is, can we be superhuman and be the individual Hashem wants us to be, one who will take those shomer points like hugs and a 'good job' pat on the back and use it to connect to our husband or wife someday? You can!

(Ps-some tips: hang around friends and not so much ppl of opposite gender, which will distract you and make you more connected to others so less need to connect via opposite gender. Also, stay away from triggers, like some movies that convey anti Torah ideas and dark places where you might think PPP are around. Yichud is a halachik point, of not being alone with opposite gender who is not closely related, brother, father...that's also a protection. Just hang in there :)

#2 Punims



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Posted 18 February 2015 - 02:29 PM

It makes you feel a huge connection with your husband later if you were shomer. Much, much better than if you had touched lots of guys before you got married. Ask any husband. Most of them wish they had been the only one for their wife.