4 replies to this topic

[miamigirl]

Last night my irreligious cousin came for dinner. He started hugging everyone in my family. When he came near me and my sister, we kind of avoided him so he wouldn't hug us. I felt really bad since every time he we see him we do this, and I think he gets a little offended since doesn't realize that we're not allowed to touch him. I only see him a few times a year and I don't feel comfortable saying anything to him since we're not at all close. What should I do?

[Rabbi Shapiro]

You should ask your father or mother to explain to these cousins that as religious people, you do not hug. She should explain that this is a purely religious thing, nothing personal. They will not be offended. This happens all the time. It is not a big deal.

Oh, and one more thing. Please let's not refer to this prohibition as "Shomer Negiah." It is simply "Negiah."

[israelgirl67]

i was with a bunch o friends two shassot ago and we all had one question and i want to hear your opinion?
if a non religous person extends his or her hand to u and u know that it is normal for them and they will not think any thing of ot probably should u just shake jis or her hand instead of embarrasing or telling them?

[Rabbi Shapiro]

i was with a bunch o friends two shassot ago and we all had one question and i want to hear your opinion?
if a non religous person extends his or her hand to u and u know that it is normal for them and they will not think any thing of ot probably should u just shake jis or her hand instead of embarrasing or telling them?

It is Halachicly prohibited to shake their hand. That is the psak of the Chazon Ish, Rav Moshe Feinstein and the Steipler. You should follow that psak. It is the majority view and this is a question of a D'Oraisa prohibiiton.

As far as embarrasing the other person, you need to look at it as if someone offered you a ham sandwich as a token of their friendship, and would be embarrassed if you would not take it. Obviously you would not eat it and instead would nicely explain to them that you appreciate their offer but your religion does not allow you to eat a ham sandwich. Same thing here.

[sandythedog]

I had an interaction with an advisor for school who wished to shake my hand. I was quite nervious to explain that we as a religious Jew, I don't shake hands. He told me how he understands, as he'd had interactions with others on the same issue. I ASKED him how best to handle it, since he had been on the receiving end. He told me that it's best to not let the person's hand hang their too long, as it would be ackquard, but if you quickly explain something like, 'My religion prohibits physical contact between men and woman,' it's pretty short and the statement explains that it's not about them. The shorter the statement, while still getting the job done, the better. People respect those who respect their religion. IF you're dealing with another Jew, especially one who is frum, you might need to change phrasings, like, Since I'm very religious, I don't shake men's hands (and as there is a minority opinion that says one can shake hands [or they simply might not know the law] PLEASE don't assume that a frum person who wants to shake your hand is in the wrong). I have a friend who simply says 'I don't shake hands,' though I feel an explaination can be better.

Good luck!