51 replies to this topic

[HTH]

It sounds so very terrible. I don't even have the words. Maybe contact Chai Lifeline -- they should be able to take away at least some of the loneliness brought by your illness.

[shifpifer1]

Maybe you should move out or get a social worker down there.

[HELP?]

I'm working on getting out...it's kinda hard and complicated. Basically the only thing thats stopping me now is the fact that i have nowhere to go...

[surviver2]

one thing i can tell you is that god thinks realy highly of you
becouse god only gives you nisonas that you can handle
i wish i can say magic words that will make evrything beutifulll in your life but there arnt
i just want you to know that someone is hurting becouse of how much your hurting and may you see hashems hand in all this suffering

[sandythedog]

I'm trying to think what you'd need to hear most and this is what comes to mind: we're here for you. We don't want you to leave this world and we don't want you to put yourself down by thinking it's your fault that someone has hurt you, BC it's not! I know someone who was abused by her husband, unfortunately, AND she thought it was her fault! I asked her 4 or 5 year year old a question like this: 'If someone hurts you because you told them to stop hurting you, does that mean it was your fault?' her answer 'no.' The little girl understood BECAUSE she wasn't the one being abused, b"H/c"H. Often, people who do the abusing were once victims in one shape or form and as such, they continue (maybe to gain the control they didn't have as the abused). Since you realize that these behaviors are distructive and horrible, you can stop and you can move on. Give yourself that chance. It is stated in Nuvi(in Prophets) that Hashem doesn't even want the evil one to die, He wants the person to repent! How much more so, someone who ISN'T an evil person? YOU are not evil, YOU did not make someone do this to you AND Hashem wants you to live! Fight for life because there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

And in terms of marriage, I know a girl who's father abused her mother and her mother finally woudn't tolerate it (he slept on the couch for a bit I believe but he did get the message-good person but MISGUIDED). My friend wanted to get married non the less. My parents didn't always get along perfectly (family history bc of cercumstances) and I was worried 'well, how will I do?? where does this all leave me??' Basically, SINCE I know the pitfalls and the mistakes people can get into, I am more prepared in certain ways to handle things than someone who thinks that marriage is totally 'laddidah and bliss and amazing, and of course we won't disagree! He's my bashert' One needs to be realistic but BECAUSE you've seen what a not good situation is like, you wil have a much better handle on things. Sure, therapy might be very useful for you, simply to give you better bairing and help you realize how to find your way to a positive life, but you have the potential. I know what i"m going to say is nothing in relation to what you've been through but there is a point to what I will say. I was picked on for many years in elementary school/junior high. I was left out, hurt, felt like nothing, thought I wasn't normal etc. I even thought I was ugly (and I know I;m not a supermodel but i'm not ugly! Hashem gives each of us a neshamah and if we let it shine, no matter how 'ugly' we may be, we're NOT ugly). Over time, I got past it, little by little. The point is, because I went through that, I"m MUCH more aware of someone who may need that extra hug, that extra connection...etc. I'm not perfect but because of my experiences, I can help others. Would I have been the same without it? NO. And it wouldn't have been a good thing. Good is only relative to how Hashem, G-d, sees things. You never know what's really good-kid thinks bag of candy really good, but dentist knows a whole bag is bad for the teeth.

Rabbi Wallerstein speaks in one of his shiurim on TorahAnytime.com (Manchester, England Avinu Malkainu, probably from 2011) about a girl who didn't want to live/didn't think life was worth living. He asked her this: you're going down Ave J (busy street in Brooklyn) and you see a little 2 year old let go of her mother's hand and run into the street. There's a bus coming. Would you run to save the child? (she says yes bc she doesn't care about living). Okay, so you save that child and bring the child back to her mother. Not only did you save the child, you saved the mother, since how could she live knowing that the child was under her watch when this all happened?, and you saved the marriage, bc how could the husband live on with the woman who didn't properly care for his child? (and something that might not have been mentioned in the Torah lecture: besides that fact that the girl would've allowed this child to have children/grandchildren etc). You would have saved so many people, with that one action!-and the girl, around 15, 16, finally looked up at R' Wallerstein and acknowledged she can make a difference. YOU TOO can make a difference and you are!

1)Everyone of us who answers back fulfills the mitzvah of v'ahavta l'raacha kamocha-love your neighbor like yourself. We write back bc we care and maybe, just maybe, we can do something for you.
2)And we get the mitzvah of chessed, doing kindness.
3)And the mitzvah of bikor cholim in a sense, visiting the sick, because maybe we are aiding in helping you in some way, or showing that we are 'visiting' you, kinda like a phone call (don't know if actually counts according to Jewish law, but still kindness non the less
4)AND we are helping anyone else who needs these answers and gets them here.

YOU are a vesel for mitzvot, good deeds. The sheer fact that you are here in this world means that you still have to potential to DO so much! (As someone stated earlier, whomever that was, thank you:) Anyone here who asks for help, enables/allows someone else to do a mitzvah AND has the potential to allow someone else to get the answer they need. How many times have I read something on here that I found to be meaningful/helpful? How many times have I answered back? Someone once gave out a sheet with a picture of a child. The sheet said: 'I know I"m a somebody because G-d don't make no junk.' Simple, clear, and easily stated.

Hang in there everyone, we need our klal yisroel.

[Punims]

Are we allowed to get Tehillim names on here? I'd like to get "Help"s name so I can daven for her (him?)

[HELP?]

Thanks sandythedog. I appreciate all that...I'm starting to think a little more positively, some days are harder than others, but I've been working really hard on trying to keep a positive attitude...of course, every time I try that, more things come my way to challenge me, ie. for the next 8 weeks I am immobile b/c of s/t that went wrong with illness...but I guess the best I could do is try, right?

[HELP?]

I would not post my name on here as many people will recognize it because they have been davening for me, and no one knows anything more than that ...but if there is an email i can send it to or something...i would appreciate the tefillos...

[HELP?]

mod, is there a way i can get that website from gotemunah?

[GotEmunah?]

gotemunah? - i would love to know the website, it would be so helpful. thanks.

I feel really bad but I asked the person what the site is called, and they said that it stopped cuz there was no one to be on top of it. She said that she will find out if there are any other sites or people online to help.
I was reading your other posts - have a refuah shelaima biKarov!

[HELP?]

Thanks gotemunah...

[HELP?]

just wanted to throw this out there...ive been feeling pretty down lately, to the point where i really really wanted (want) to be dead. In general, i like to be a positive person, and most people who know me would say that i am. So i wanted to do something to try to get that back...its really hard sometimes (or all the time) to see the good in our lives especially when there is nothing that is obviously GOOD, and so much bad. But in reality, there is so much good, we just have to look for it. There may be an overwhelming amount of bad things happening to us, but in everybodys lives, everyday, you can find something good. To achieve some level of understanding for this, I bought a little notebook and titled it "My book of Good". It comes with me wherever I go, and everytime something GOOD happens, something that can even be the smallest thing, i write it down. By the end of the day, I usually have a page filled with GOOD and it reminds me that although things are really tough, and trust me, they are, no one can say, "well, if only you know what I've been through..."-cuz I've been there, trust me!! So though things are tough, there is still good in everybody's lives.
I'll give you a few examples of things I wrote.

~Today I only got 3 black and blue marks
~Today I was able to stay in school for most of the day
~Today I saw the sunset and it was beautiful
~Today my leg got popped out at NIGHT so I didn't have to stay home so no one would ask questions.
~Today I found another clue to where my brother is buried so I'm one step closer to finding him and visiting him finally!!
~Today it didn't rain all day
~Today I had a really nice conversation with someone I look up to
~Today my principal didn't make any nasty comments to me
~Today my siblings liked what I cooked (every one of them!!!)

Those are a few examples...I challenge you to try it, it's made a HUGE difference in my life!!! Get a notebook and start jotting things down as you go about your day, you will be more aware of the good in your life. They can be small things, like seeing a blue bird, or something bigger, but it doesn't matter, because it's all GOOD!!

There is GOOD in your life, don't despair, just look for it! It's there!

[Punims]

This is similar to an exercise I heard about. The exercise is to take a paper and spend 15 minutes writing down everything you're thankful for. Don't pick up your pen until 15 minutes is over. The next day do it for 10 minutes - to the dot. The next day 8 minutes and the next day 5 minutes. After those four days, you will find that you're starting to look all over for things to be thankful for. Because during those days of writing, your brain is trying to come up with things that you have not written down so far... and you start constantly looking all over for things to be thankful for. It exercises and teaches your brain to start being positive about EVERYTHING.

I tried it a year ago, I think I need to do it again. It worked for a few months!

[Punims]

What's up with your buried brother and searching for him? Is this something you're okay with sharing?

[HELP?]

I had a brother who was born extremely sick, due to a drug problem while my mother was pregnant with him. He died soon after, and my parents named him, buried him, and moved on with their lives. My parents would not/ will not tell me where he is buried, and I want to go visit him SO badly. my family chose to forget about him, but I won't because he was brought into our family for a reason, and his Neshama was obviously too pure to stay in such a dysfunctional place, but he was and will always be my brother, and I really just want to go visit his Kever.

I miss you Yehuda. I will never forget you.

[Punims]

Is he older or younger than you? You can talk to his neshama anywhere, you don't have to specifically know exactly where he's buried. Has he ever come to you in a dream?

[taon]

Why wont they tell?

[HELP?]

Younger. The youngest. Have lost several siblings since then, because of the drug abuse, but he is the only one that was actually born. Never came to me in a dream, but I wish!! They won't tell because they're my parents...obnoxious animals. End of story.

[taon]

try the website findagrave.com

[HELP?]

not too successful