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71 reasons not to talk to guys- from frumalltheway


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#1 miamigirl

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Posted 28 November 2011 - 09:00 PM

I copied this over from the old site since I found it really helpful and I'm sure it helped many other people as well.

1) It's assur (the source is in the Igros Moshe, and somwhere else)
2) Most parents don't let, and if they find out they'll kill you, you'll lose all your privileges, it takes years to build up trust and a only a second of doubt to lose it
3) You risk getting caught by, and being thrown out of, your school
4) You lose interest in your friends who will start to feel neglected, and hate you
5) You ruin you reputation. No one wants a bad one, and once your stuck with it, it's hard to get rid of it
6) You WILL NOT stay shomer negiyah, which is also assur
7) The guy is 100% talking bad about you to his frineds in one way or another
8)All a guy wants at this age is play-and hell use you for that
9)Every boy is a liar, a pervert, a jerk, and you will eventually find this out
10)A guy will say anything-just to get you in bed
11)They occupy your whole mind-you'll be thinking about them 24/7
12)You WILL regret anything you do with him
13)IF you have the reputation for talking to boys, your friends will get the same one, why would you want to do that to them?
14) At this age you say that you want a guy like this, etc..when you get older your priorities will change and you might have hard time by shidduchim
15)Besides for just the obvious, you do so mnyn other aviros cus of this-you lie-you get mad..
16)Boys give you wayyyy too much confidence, and you get self centered
17)You trick yourself into thinking you love him, but realy it's just artificial
18)Imagine kissing your husband, and thinking 'The last time i was doing this it was with XYZ'
19)You're always thinking about when he's gonna call, you can't think about anything else
20)You start slacking off in school
21)The later you stop, the worse off you are
22)You think he's helping you, but he's only bringing you down
23)You try to justify your talking to him, but you end up looking stupid.
24)They make you think it's cool-it's sooo not-who respects you for talking to boys??
25)You start dressing to impress them, and you think you look so hot and everything but meanwhile you're like the skank of the town
26)A guy will probably be oiver baal keri because of you,, and that's like one of the worst averiros, and I'm sure we get part of it
27)You'll drag your friends to lower levels
28)You regret that he could be such a great guy if not for you
29)You're going to casue him to suffer a lot--why do you wanna do that to him? And later on when he regrets it, he'll hate you for it
30)You will always be living with a guilty conscience
31) You might set boundaries for yourself, but you're gonna slowly pass each one of them
32)You become desensitized to all the shmutz out there
33)You pass a certain naivity you'll never get back to
34)YOU CAN NEVER NEVER NEVER TRUST A BOY
35) You might start out talking to one but you'll end up talking to many--like his friends
36)When you stop, you'll suffer so much, you'll feel like you're dead and you'll wish you'd never known him!
37)You will probably end up at some point on bad terms, or hating each other
38)You start talking, thinking and acting like a guy
39)You can never just chill out, you always wanna be with him, and think about him,, and everything
40)Think about how mean the guys are-if they call when we're doing something we stop and talk to themm, but when we call, we're like the last on their list
41) You can't be a complete girl around guys-they never undersatnd
42) You become dependant on them, when really they are the lsat thing you need.
43) Think about it-in 3 or 4 years you're gonna get married and be tied to someone forever-enjoy the free time you have now-have fun with your friends-be a girl
44) Think about how much more fun you have when you're with friend all hyper and evrything, than when your' ejust sitting with him by a movie
45) If you care about him enough, you wouldn't do this to him
46) If he cares about you enough, he wouldn't do this to you
47) You lose purity that you can never get bak
48) Your friends help you grow and are there for you, all a guy can do for you is make you feel sexy(AM)
49) Whatever you do, your kids are going to do, it always ends up like that, would you want your kids doing what you're doing?
50)They have the biggest influence over you, and it can get risky
51) You probably deserve a much more amazing guy than him
52) Think about the schar you'll get for not talking to him
53) Stop pretending you want it so much, how good can it be if there are so mnay people out there willing to do anything to stop you
54)Do you want to have to compare the kiss of the one you truly love to the one who pretended to respect you just so he could get to french you?
55)If you do this till 12th grade, chances are youll never stop, and you can get married to the wrong guy and have an awful marriage
56) If he is your bashert he will come back to you
57)Girls are stupid. We know this. We know guys use us and how gross they are but we ignore it until they do something to us, then we get all hysetrical, don't be stupid
58)You might think it's ok to do what you do, but look at it from the eys of a stranger--do you really think that's appropriate?
59)Look at all the girls who do and don't-comprae and contrast
60)After all you do for them, all they do is call you a zoooooyyyynah
61) Even though you think he loves you and you love him, it's just your hormones, they're all wacked up
62)They are not even ashamed of themselves for all they do
63)They have no life all they do is look at ----------uummm-pritzus-all day long.
64)They know that we know all this and still try to pretend they aren't like that
65)Why do you think so many people wish they could change their past??
66)YOU ARE NOT MARRYING HIM
67)Somehow no matter who does the dumping the girl always ends up being hurt
68)Remember, while you think it's fun and enjoyable to think about him and all the fun you shared, you just keep prolonging your obsession which, no matter how fun it may be in the middle of your relationship, when you break up, it'll completaly take over your mind and destroy you
69)Hirhurim are also an aveirah(lo sassur acharie...eineichem)
70)(SH)When your zivug is made in shamayim 40 days before you are born, you fit together like 2 peices of a puzzle. They click right into place. but in every immoral relationship you have(not for the sake of marriage) you break off pieces from the puzzle, so later on when you get to your zivug, the pieces won't fit exactly, they'll have a crack here and there or a dent--it's pretty freaky, no????
71)Remember, a guy who kisses you all the time is not the one who cares about you, the one who stops is the real tadi, and the one who really cares for you(or himself)

#2 smillingirl

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Posted 30 November 2011 - 01:35 AM

OMG so true.

#3 much2learn

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Posted 30 November 2011 - 09:59 PM

Printing this out...

So important to remember.

#4 SmileySimcha123

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Posted 30 November 2011 - 09:59 PM

Dude. Your right on the money. But I don't think #9 is true....at least not with ALL guys.

#5 SilverShoes

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Posted 30 November 2011 - 10:47 PM

Is there a reason my post didn't go though?

#6 smillingirl

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Posted 01 December 2011 - 09:51 PM

Probably it got mixed up. I have a few that weren't posted either.

#7 Moderator #3

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Posted 03 December 2011 - 09:24 PM

Hi people. Please read the TOS (the rules of the site that you saw when you signed up as members). We can't post every post. We have a backlog, but besides that, we don't want the website to become a chat room. The main purpose of the site is for people to read it and get educated. So we don't put up a lot of posts.

#8 SomeGirl

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Posted 03 December 2011 - 11:56 PM

Hi. I think it is important to remember that relationships with the opposite sex can lead you down a dangerous path and put a barrier between your relationship with HaShem and others. However, I think it is also important to be realistic and reasonable as to why we avoid contact with the opposite sex outside of marriage. Some of these points kind of bothered me:

"2) Most parents don't let, and if they find out they'll kill you, you'll lose all your privileges, it takes years to build up trust and a only a second of doubt to lose it"
I agree, disappointing your parents and losing their trust is a big one. But the exaggeration makes this good point easy to laugh at and takes away from this reality.

"7) The guy is 100% talking bad about you to his frineds in one way or another
8)All a guy wants at this age is play-and hell use you for that
9)Every boy is a liar, a pervert, a jerk, and you will eventually find this out
10)A guy will say anything-just to get you in bed"
Among the many reasons that it is dangerous to try and have a "platonic" relationship with a boy, is that they are different. Their motives and expectations talking to you may be very different than what you expect. However, this doesn't mean we should assume the worst of boys in general. If we are instilling in our minds, a negative image of boys and in later settings men, then how can we be expected to find our beshert? Is your beshert also a pervert, a jerk, talking bad about you and trying to get every girl he sees into bed? I would certainly hope not or you might want to run the other way! They might not be perfect, and many of them may have their downfalls, just like girls, but we might want to chill out on the "boys are evil evil evil and only want one thing" speeches.

"30)You will always be living with a guilty conscience"
It is great and all to not talk to boys, yada yada yada. But in the end of the day, we all make mistakes one time or another. The reason that we set the limits we do, is so that we don't end up making the bigger ones. (Like violating Negiah, Purity...) If you do, even unintentionally mess up, HaShem is loving, so hopefully too are your parents. You should NOT always be living with a guilty conscience, regardless of what mistakes you make. Guilt is a helpful tool is coming to terms with our mistakes and doing teshuva, but after you do teshuva, you move on, not to say it is ok or easy, but things happen and the yetzer hara is powerful.

Just some things I thought were good to remember. :)

#9 much2learn

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Posted 05 December 2011 - 09:28 PM

You should NOT always be living with a guilty conscience, regardless of what mistakes you make. Guilt is a helpful tool is coming to terms with our mistakes and doing teshuva, but after you do teshuva, you move on, not to say it is ok or easy, but things happen and the yetzer hara is powerful.


Agreed!!!

But along the same lines, there are still some thing that will inevitably end badly, so better not go down that road in the first place.

As opposed to doing it, having a regret or a guilty conscience, but then just acknowledging that it's a vehicle for teshuva.

#10 rocksdontfly

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Posted 06 December 2011 - 10:19 PM

ok i have so many questions right now...is this a little - extreme? does this rly apply to every case? wt ab cousins? all guys arent monsters!
r these all legit?

#11 miamigirl

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Posted 11 December 2011 - 10:17 PM

yea, i guess some of them are a little exaggerated, and every guy is different.
They don't all apply to every guy. Every guy in such a relationship fits atleast one of these descriptions (for sure #1).
I think it's more to make people aware and recognize whatever applies in their relationships.

The truth is, most people only recognize alot of these after the relationship is over. The whole time they're together the girl is thinking, "well it's not sooo bad. He's different. I know everyone thinks this, but he really is different!"

#12 taon

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Posted 14 December 2011 - 07:17 PM

A disturbingly large amount of the list is very commonly true, to different degrees. The point, I think, isn't to give an assessment of every situation, but to show many ideas of how bad it can get.

#13 taon

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Posted 14 December 2011 - 07:19 PM

Meaning, even though you shouldnt expect everything to be true of every boy, boy-girl relationships not for marriage will mos likely lead to these things. And this is, to various degrees, how boys at that stage think. At least the ones who are willing to talk to girls.

#14 Punims

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Posted 12 January 2012 - 01:55 AM

I didn't go through the whole list (actually I did but that was over 10 years ago) but in my mind - as an adult now - the main reason I regret talking to boys is that it just messes up your mind. Imagine being able to go through shidduchim and marriage, with a clean mind, not having hung out with lots of guys before. Each and every guy that you have a relationship with, means a lot to you and changes you. They make a huge impression on your life and you don't need all those memories when you're married to your bashert. You don't want to have a history that you have to hide from your spouse.
I read my old diaries and they're full of emotion - real true, sad, strong emotions - from breakups, letdowns.... why should a young teenager have to go through that? My mind now is so full of garbage and memories that I wish I didn't have. If I could, I would go and erase all the guy-talking from my past.
You'll get to have those close relationships one day, you've got to have patience and use the time to build yourself up. You won't miss out on anything by staying away from guys, you'll only enhance your future, your marriage, and your spouse will have so much to respect.