i am very jealous of 1 of the girls in my class. everything she does and how she looks and everything about her and its making me depressed what should i do to stop my jealousy??????????
jealousy
Started by
jewishthought
, Dec 20 2011 06:54 PM
16 replies to this topic
#2
danceInTheRain
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Posted 21 December 2011 - 08:24 AM
your amazing for being so honest with yourself and for wanting to grow (thats already half the solution)
in general i have a few suggestions that help me. but i dont know you and your personality so i cant really know what whould help you. so here goes
a) realize your good qualities, develope them, and use them often.
thing good about other- this might sound surprising but the more you feel positively towards people and sincerely compliment them. you will come to internalize the fact that just because someone else has something good does not take away from the good you have- we are all living on our own paths and nobody can take away any good you deserve
c)sounds like the things you are jealous of are external. if that is the case the more you develope your inner self the less you will be jealous about looks and stuff like that. make yourself into a caring loving person who is always there for others and then you will be happier with who you are
garenteed!!!!
all of this is easier said then done. this is a lifetime of work. we are not perfect. we just have to strive higher and higher all the time. and by your question i can tell that you are. so good for you and good luck in life.
in general i have a few suggestions that help me. but i dont know you and your personality so i cant really know what whould help you. so here goes
a) realize your good qualities, develope them, and use them often.
thing good about other- this might sound surprising but the more you feel positively towards people and sincerely compliment them. you will come to internalize the fact that just because someone else has something good does not take away from the good you have- we are all living on our own paths and nobody can take away any good you deservec)sounds like the things you are jealous of are external. if that is the case the more you develope your inner self the less you will be jealous about looks and stuff like that. make yourself into a caring loving person who is always there for others and then you will be happier with who you are
garenteed!!!!
all of this is easier said then done. this is a lifetime of work. we are not perfect. we just have to strive higher and higher all the time. and by your question i can tell that you are. so good for you and good luck in life.
#3
ilavHashem
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Posted 21 December 2011 - 06:16 PM
Jealosy is completely normal and know you are not alone, but it is also a bad middah we should try to uproot from within ourselves!!
"Comparison is the SEED, Jealousy is the FRUIT"...try to stop comparing yourself to her, also something i would avoid doing is looking for bad in her, and say how you dont want it.... jealousy can be a good, productive thing if we are jealous of someones' middos tovos, or the chesed they do, and then me try to emulate them! but it can be self destructive...Alot of the solution for jealousy lies with bitachon...we have to believe that Hashem gives us everything perfectly and exactly how it would be best for us, and as much as we think i lives would be better if we had HER pair of shoes, HER voice, family situation, best friend etc...we should also ask Hashem to give us those things-if they are what's good for us- and not that Hashem should take them away from her. its ok to want things, but not to not want her to have them. By davening we make things that previously weren't GOOD for us, now become GOOD for us, and Hashem gives us whatever is good for us, because He is the only one who loves us so completely without any bias.
anothr thing that always helps me, is that i look at the good in my life, and we ALL have good, even small things -wich are really a lot bigger than we think!- dancing, singing, breathing, laughing, friends, family, a home, a school, sunny days, oreos, pretty clothes, shabbos, the other side of the pillow on a hot summer night......the list is endless, Hashem gives us so much good, how can we look to others and ask :"why didn't you give me HER life?"
also, my teacher once said this,
everyone is on another chapter in their life, for example, her hair might be beautifull now but she might C"V hav alopecia when she ages.
We don't know waht the next chapters will be.
i wish you a lot of hatzlacha! and its really a great start that you even realize there something wrong!
"Comparison is the SEED, Jealousy is the FRUIT"...try to stop comparing yourself to her, also something i would avoid doing is looking for bad in her, and say how you dont want it.... jealousy can be a good, productive thing if we are jealous of someones' middos tovos, or the chesed they do, and then me try to emulate them! but it can be self destructive...Alot of the solution for jealousy lies with bitachon...we have to believe that Hashem gives us everything perfectly and exactly how it would be best for us, and as much as we think i lives would be better if we had HER pair of shoes, HER voice, family situation, best friend etc...we should also ask Hashem to give us those things-if they are what's good for us- and not that Hashem should take them away from her. its ok to want things, but not to not want her to have them. By davening we make things that previously weren't GOOD for us, now become GOOD for us, and Hashem gives us whatever is good for us, because He is the only one who loves us so completely without any bias.
anothr thing that always helps me, is that i look at the good in my life, and we ALL have good, even small things -wich are really a lot bigger than we think!- dancing, singing, breathing, laughing, friends, family, a home, a school, sunny days, oreos, pretty clothes, shabbos, the other side of the pillow on a hot summer night......the list is endless, Hashem gives us so much good, how can we look to others and ask :"why didn't you give me HER life?"
also, my teacher once said this,
everyone is on another chapter in their life, for example, her hair might be beautifull now but she might C"V hav alopecia when she ages.
We don't know waht the next chapters will be.
i wish you a lot of hatzlacha! and its really a great start that you even realize there something wrong!
#6
danceInTheRain
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Posted 25 December 2011 - 04:15 AM
okay, i really dont believe that you dont have anything good inside, but lets put that aside for now. my suggestion is you take that jelousy and use it for the good. tell yourself 'i want to be able to see the good in myself and not just in everybody else' and start bettering yourself and in the name of your jelousy work on developing the good in yourself.
do you like music?- maybe learn how to play an instrument.
do you like art?- maybe learn how to oil paint or something.
do you like kids?- maybe go and volenteer with special kids or whatever.
do have a nice smile?- start smiling and saying hi to everyone and become that cute friendly girl.
do you sing well?- maybe take voice classes,
maybe take dance classes or go to the gym twice a week and get yourself into shape, or go visit old people, or kids in hopitals, or learn hair styling or start exelling in school if you have the brains for it.
the list is endless.
try to find stuff that you can do. for your outer self and inner self and when you feel like giving up have your jelousy drive you to do more. that is taking something bad and using it for the good
good luck
do you like music?- maybe learn how to play an instrument.
do you like art?- maybe learn how to oil paint or something.
do you like kids?- maybe go and volenteer with special kids or whatever.
do have a nice smile?- start smiling and saying hi to everyone and become that cute friendly girl.
do you sing well?- maybe take voice classes,
maybe take dance classes or go to the gym twice a week and get yourself into shape, or go visit old people, or kids in hopitals, or learn hair styling or start exelling in school if you have the brains for it.
the list is endless.
try to find stuff that you can do. for your outer self and inner self and when you feel like giving up have your jelousy drive you to do more. that is taking something bad and using it for the good
good luck
#11
danceInTheRain
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Posted 01 January 2012 - 04:43 AM
those were just expamles to get you thinking, and if after all you thinking you decide that you have absoulutely no skills(immpossible) then just go and do horse back riding cuz thats amazingly fun and you dont have to use much besides for some balance..
#12
ilavHashem
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Posted 01 January 2012 - 02:15 PM
lol raindancer u r hevvv!!!
n silver shoes- y r u doubting urself? ppl put themselves down 2 no end.... feeling untalented...but wats the point?
dnt thnk abt wat u dnt hav...thnk of wat u do!
n idontknow u....but im sure theirs so much beautiful bout u!
my frend once told me this....as a way to get past jealousy:
she sed:
their are billions of stars in the amosphere
all shining sooo brightly
illuminating the night sky.
but one star seems to burn brighter,
are the other stars any less bright?
no. each one is just as big n beautiful as it was before
the other one is more lluminous, so what
does it take away from the other strs luminosity?
only when you compare might u say tht...the key is to stop comparing!
n silver shoes- y r u doubting urself? ppl put themselves down 2 no end.... feeling untalented...but wats the point?
dnt thnk abt wat u dnt hav...thnk of wat u do!
n idontknow u....but im sure theirs so much beautiful bout u!
my frend once told me this....as a way to get past jealousy:
she sed:
their are billions of stars in the amosphere
all shining sooo brightly
illuminating the night sky.
but one star seems to burn brighter,
are the other stars any less bright?
no. each one is just as big n beautiful as it was before
the other one is more lluminous, so what
does it take away from the other strs luminosity?
only when you compare might u say tht...the key is to stop comparing!
#14
Qazwsx
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Posted 05 January 2012 - 04:24 PM
i try to look at the good that i have but i dont see anything and i see a million good things about her eventhough shes not so frum
If ur frum and she's not you should be proud think to ur self I'm lucky to be frum she's prettier, skinnier, more talents... But if I was her I wouldn't be frum and I would be missing out on what's important all those things that she has looks good on the outside but the inside is what really matters I don't think you should go chasing after what she has and you should think about what you really want a little more
Good luck!
#15
rocksdontfly
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Posted 09 January 2012 - 07:19 PM
right now jealousy is something that my y"hr has been rlyy testing me with! its so weird ive nvr hard this b4 n it is SO hard for me!! i feel like - ya bH i have gifts, but she has more. ya im pretty, but so shes prettier or my shoes r nice but she has more shoes than me... uch as im writing this im totally disgusted with myself for thinking these things. i just dont know how to get over it n i feel so stupid
