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I think he's the one...

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#1 estherhamalka26



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Posted 22 December 2011 - 10:16 PM

I'm 16, he's 21 - it's completely spiritually based.. He goes to my shul and I've seen/heard him daven as the chazan and read from the Torah and I've even said hello or Shabbat Shalom to him a few times. There's just something about him, and for the last few months I've been completely - I don't know how else to put it - obsessed. He is constantly on my mind, and there's nothing physical or sexual about it. I want to talk to him, just get to know each other and I really do feel like if we get to know each other something could happen between us. I know people who know him well and from the information I know, we have a lot in common and I have "fallen in love" with what I know of his personality. Of course, there is no way I can know for sure that we are "meant to be", but there's just something - when I'm around him, particularly when he davens or lains, I just feel like I need him. His emunah and spirituality really show through his modesty and the way he speaks, and I know that one day, that is the type of person I want to, be'ezrat Hashem, get married to. I know I'm 16 and it's way too early, but girls in my community tend to date/get married early like maybe 19 years old. I know that it's all in the hands of Hashem, and sometimes I pray that me and him are meant to be and we will somehow get together and something will happen between us. I am very careful to be extra tzanua around him and I don't act overly friendly or try to talk to him a lot or anything, just an occasional "hello" since we sort of know each other, just from shul. He is really really constantly on my mind and I can't stop thinking about him and how much I want just to talk to him.. I really don't know what to do anymore, because I don't want this to come off as a little "crush" or anything like that.
Please give me options
Thank you

#2 shifpifer1



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Posted 25 December 2011 - 02:49 PM

Well, I have some good news and some bad news:
This is a very good way for you to get to know yourself, by admiring this boy you recognize that spirituality is important to you and that Torah and davening are very special to you. Use this as an incentive for self growth and connect with the rebono shel olam. Learn to get to know yourself as a spiritual being and work on becoming a person with healthy self esteem who would give in a relationship.
Also reflect upon one thing. Would you get married early because that is what you would do anyways, or would you get married early in order to get married to this particular boy? Make sure that you do whats right for you and you listen to yourself in this type of issue.
Even though he is your dream boy, you have to live in reality, and for lack of a better term snap out of it. Hashem knows who you will marry and you will marry who Hashem wants. Keep in mind also that its not about finding the right person, it's about being the right person to marry. You don't know him, you know of him and what you have seen and everything is all roses and dandelions. This is a distraction because you have let this fantasy take over your psche. You have to focus on yourself right now and what I said before about working on yourself, you are only young and formable once and what greater time to utilize this opportunity. I know it must be so hard to not think about him because I'm sure he's a great guy. Coming from experience from becoming obsessed with people, you have to take him off that pedestal in your head. recognize that he is NOT perfect and no human being is, and know that he is a person just like any other person you know. True, he does have redeeming qualities but so does me and you and any other person. Get involved in things to distract yourself and be productive, enjoy your teen years while they last!

#3 taon



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Posted 28 December 2011 - 06:14 PM

Good match or not, obsession isn't a good way to start. give it time, get your mind off him awhile, then see what you think after a good amount of time.

#4 Ziva613



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Posted 29 April 2012 - 06:24 PM

Everything happens in its proper time. If You and him are meant to be then trust in Hashem that he will take care of everything for you. Let your soul mate be chosen by Hashem and enjoy all the time you have between now and the time you get married because goodness knows time flies.
My point: Relax, everything will work out.