I'm only 17 but for a while I've been thinking about marriage. Not that I'm ready yet- I want to go to sem and learn to be the best eved Hashem and person I can be. But I'm always thinking about it ... Who am I going to marry, what are important qualities I want him to have, things I have to work on, how/what I want to build my home on ...
is it just me? are there any other 17 yr old girls thinking about this? or boys I guess, do u also think about marriage when ur around this age?
is it just me?
Started by
rocksdontfly
, Jan 16 2012 08:40 PM
14 replies to this topic
#4
estherhamalka26
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Posted 24 January 2012 - 09:18 PM
its not just you! i'm not even 17 yet and i always think about the future and who i will marry and what kind of person he will be and things like that. i know i'm not ready at this point but i kind of feel this eagerness and impatience toward marriage - like i want it already and i dont want to wait! i have a friend who is also like this and we talk about it sometimes. you're definitely not alone...
#5
Tick-Tock
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Posted 26 January 2012 - 07:34 PM
Two things:
1) Yes, you are totally and completely normal. I've always said that a girl thinks about her chasuna from when she's five years old. ;-) I would even classify it as unusual - especially in a frum society - if a girl (and again especially, a teenage girl) wasn't thinking about marriage, what/who she's looking for, who she wants to become. It is healthy, and the way Hashem made us, and kol hakavod to you for getting more in touch with yourself and looking to grow into a better person! (Guys do think about it, but definitely not until they're older - most just before or once they start dating... As taon said, though, it depends on their maturity levels.)
2) A total side point - you do know that it is not necessary to go to seminary to "become the best eved Hashem and person you can be," right? And that going to seminary does not in any way guarantee the automatic outcome of that, either... I am not trying to put down seminary, discourage anyone from going, or deny that many people have wonderful experiences (including myself); just thought I'd point it out...
1) Yes, you are totally and completely normal. I've always said that a girl thinks about her chasuna from when she's five years old. ;-) I would even classify it as unusual - especially in a frum society - if a girl (and again especially, a teenage girl) wasn't thinking about marriage, what/who she's looking for, who she wants to become. It is healthy, and the way Hashem made us, and kol hakavod to you for getting more in touch with yourself and looking to grow into a better person! (Guys do think about it, but definitely not until they're older - most just before or once they start dating... As taon said, though, it depends on their maturity levels.)
2) A total side point - you do know that it is not necessary to go to seminary to "become the best eved Hashem and person you can be," right? And that going to seminary does not in any way guarantee the automatic outcome of that, either... I am not trying to put down seminary, discourage anyone from going, or deny that many people have wonderful experiences (including myself); just thought I'd point it out...
#6
rocksdontfly
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Posted 15 February 2012 - 09:01 PM
Two things:
1) Yes, you are totally and completely normal. I've always said that a girl thinks about her chasuna from when she's five years old. ;-) I would even classify it as unusual - especially in a frum society - if a girl (and again especially, a teenage girl) wasn't thinking about marriage, what/who she's looking for, who she wants to become. It is healthy, and the way Hashem made us, and kol hakavod to you for getting more in touch with yourself and looking to grow into a better person! (Guys do think about it, but definitely not until they're older - most just before or once they start dating... As taon said, though, it depends on their maturity levels.)
2) A total side point - you do know that it is not necessary to go to seminary to "become the best eved Hashem and person you can be," right? And that going to seminary does not in any way guarantee the automatic outcome of that, either... I am not trying to put down seminary, discourage anyone from going, or deny that many people have wonderful experiences (including myself); just thought I'd point it out...
Of course! I totally understand that! I'm just hoping that sem will help me to make my existing values more concrete and solid .. in addition to learning more of course
#9
flybird
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Posted 20 February 2012 - 12:50 PM
I think about both a ton since I was around 13-14, so its normal 
- I might be making this up, but I think that when you have bf-gf relationships, you end up not rlly thinking as much about real marrige and love, because ur involved in it in a fake level.
- I might be making this up, but I think that when you have bf-gf relationships, you end up not rlly thinking as much about real marrige and love, because ur involved in it in a fake level.
#12
dotherightthing
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Posted 12 July 2012 - 01:40 PM
definitely normal 
i have a friend who is slightly overweight and from the age of 13 she's been davening crying and begging Hashem every day to find her shidduch at the right time. she's so scared of being rejected based on looks. personally, i think she's beautiful. its just sad how the worlds emphasis on externals can completely destroy someones entire sense of self ughhhhh
i have a friend who is slightly overweight and from the age of 13 she's been davening crying and begging Hashem every day to find her shidduch at the right time. she's so scared of being rejected based on looks. personally, i think she's beautiful. its just sad how the worlds emphasis on externals can completely destroy someones entire sense of self ughhhhh
#13
shifpifer1
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Posted 12 July 2012 - 05:57 PM
Punims- lol
eidel- that is so cool! my mom said that all girls should be davening for their husbands now because the tefilos kind of go into a "bank account" sort of. and it works for later.
flybird- if girls were thinking about their future, they wouldn't have a boyfriend!
Tick Tock- i agree! i believe someone has to enter seminary with goals and a plan because we have to reap what we sow when it comes to learning. therefore, torah learning and the Kedusha of Eretz yisroel combine with Hashem's help, allow someone to reach their goals.
do the right thing-that is so sad! IY"H she will get her proper zvug at the right time!
eidel- that is so cool! my mom said that all girls should be davening for their husbands now because the tefilos kind of go into a "bank account" sort of. and it works for later.
flybird- if girls were thinking about their future, they wouldn't have a boyfriend!
Tick Tock- i agree! i believe someone has to enter seminary with goals and a plan because we have to reap what we sow when it comes to learning. therefore, torah learning and the Kedusha of Eretz yisroel combine with Hashem's help, allow someone to reach their goals.
do the right thing-that is so sad! IY"H she will get her proper zvug at the right time!
#15
jew
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Posted 12 July 2012 - 08:18 PM
Im a boy and i have been thinking about marriage since 13 and been working towards it ever since. I dont know if the reason i was thinking about marriage was because i had a crazy childhood or because of other reasons but i definitely planned out my life so that i can get married and have followed through with that plan. so no i do not thinks its crazy, i actually think its normal but people that are not "future people" will tell you you are crazy. DISREGARD THEM!!! good luck!!
