What is the goal of being married
Posted 21 February 2012 - 10:34 PM
Posted 11 March 2012 - 09:15 AM
This includes but is not limited to:
- having children and bringing up a new generation of Tzadikim
- possessing an Ezer Kenegdo that will be an energizing and encouraging force in everything you do
- being able to learn how to be a giver, which is our purpose in this world - to be givers. Hashem created this world only to give, and we are supposed to emulation Him. We cannot create a world like Hashem did, but a family unit is good enough.
- the nisyonos of dealing with a wife and children properly, including our responsibility toward them, shapes us into being better people
- the emotional relationship we have with wife and children also shapes us into being better people and ovdei Hashem
- and more
Posted 17 May 2012 - 10:01 PM
Posted 21 May 2012 - 10:57 PM
Posted 22 May 2012 - 12:13 AM
The reason I put it here was because Rabbi Shapiro's answer sounded like it was mainly for men (like taking care of a wife and children..) and also when I started learning to be frum the Seforim I learned from (except for a Tznius guidebook) were written targeting the men & I always get confused, "What's my part??"
Anyway, yes there is an aspect of my upbringing that makes me feel quite different about a "mother" image: my dad played the role of mom & dad. I did not experience a female practicing "mother".. Sorry for my strange language, I don't know how else to describe it..
I am way past 18 (though I don't look it). Not quite old enough to have eineklech. But there was also a point in my life, rounded to the nearest tens age 20, that I wanted to have children -- to be exact, just to be pregnant, to be in the state of carrying a baby. Then, I didn't even care who's child. BH I didn't try to be without thinking, because I knew once you are you are responsible at least for the early stage of the child's life, and as a human being I knew that not knowing a parent or having a parent hard to respect was no good for the child. Not only have I never been married, but never lived with a boyfriend or the like.
There was a strong fear in me of becoming a married woman, for a long time.. Somehow my early experiences of women, including doctors like someone who weighed me when I was a baby up to school teachers, were pretty tough. In the present, in reality I have great rebbetzins and married frum female friends of all ages (and of course unmarried frum caring girlfriends), BH! My fear is basically over, and I have begun looking into Shidduchim, BH.
It's just that I have a hard time swallowing rabbis' and other ppl's "normal" expectations of my wanting a child as an "extension" of "me" before I am ready to schedule a Chasune.
I wouldn't tell my children "You're Tate's children - not mine" no way, and I believe a man and woman each have their part in training the children. I want to be there for the children ...of my husband... Am I more responsible for my biological children than for adopted? I don't know the Torah answer to this. But I am looking for someone I would be proud to help bring in and/or raise children FOR (him to fulfill his Mitzvos).
I did have an unusual and complicated life. I am a Ger. I love children, and maybe bcuz of my young looks most of them are comfortable with me. Long before my Geirus, I almost considered marrying a man just because he had a child from a previous marriage (he was also asking me out, we talked about what kind of family life each of us wanted, & i was almost confident i could help him and the child). Somebody warned me that after the child is up & out, I'd just be left with him - lol. Didn't go further. Sorry for this unorganized post! Had a bad headache worrying my post above would be ignored & that I would be lost, but BH...!
Thanks to all who cared!
Posted 03 June 2012 - 12:21 PM