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[YReiner]

A (non-Jewish) colleague at work mentioned to me that she doesn’t believe in G-d. She explain to me that people believe in G-d only so they can “hang their hat on G-d” and make themselves feel secure.

This has always bothered me- how do I know when I’m “hanging my hat” on my Emunah and when I’m genuinely having Emunah? For example, at times it is very convenient to not over extend oneself and say if its bashert to happen it will. There are many different forms that this scenario can play out. What are the signs of using Emunah as an excuse rather than really relying on Hashem?

[Rabbi Shapiro]

A (non-Jewish) colleague at work mentioned to me that she doesn’t believe in G-d. She explain to me that people believe in G-d only so they can “hang their hat on G-d” and make themselves feel secure.

This has always bothered me- how do I know when I’m “hanging my hat” on my Emunah and when I’m genuinely having Emunah? For example, at times it is very convenient to not over extend oneself and say if its bashert to happen it will. There are many different forms that this scenario can play out. What are the signs of using Emunah as an excuse rather than really relying on Hashem?

You're talking about Bitachon, while your colleague is talking about Emunah. Emunah means belief in Hashem and Bitachon means to rely on Hashem.

A person can have Emunah and not Bitachon, for example if he knows Hashem exists but is not convinced that Hashem will intervene on his behalf. But a person who has Bitachon must also have Emunah, because if you rely on Hashem, clearly you believe He exists.

Your colleague is saying that people believe in Hashem to satisfy their own needs. You are asking if your reliance on Hashem is real.

As far as your colleague and her amateur psychoanalysis of people who believe in G-d, you realize, of course, that (a) belief in G-d is much more rational than atheism, and that (b.) it's very nice to have something to hang your hat on, but one can believe in G-d and have his hat-hanger without submitting themselves to a life of Kiyum Torah UMitzvos. It's one thing to say that a reform Jew, for example, believes in G-d for some personal gain, because a cost-benefit analysis would tell him that the benefit of his having something to "hang his hat on" outweighs the price of, I don't know - whatever it is that reform Jews do because they are Jews. But someone who accepts a belief not merely in Hashem but the Torah HaKedosha, who keeps Taharas Hamishpacha, Shabbos, Kashrus, Tznius, Shemiras HaEinayim, who learns and davens every day, who dedicates is life to Torah and Mitzvos - such a person is paying much more than necessary for the benefits your colleague describes.

It's like a sybarite who buys an expensive designer bag. Then someone comes and questions the sincerity of their appreciation of luxurious handbags. "You don't really appreciate designer bags," they say. "You only bought that so people could see you with it and be impressed. But you don't really care for it yourself."

"If that were so," you'd answer, "I didn't have to spend a million pounds on this bag. I could have just bought a knock-off. The fact that I was willing to spend all this money shows that I feel I am getting my money's worth."

So too with belief in G-d. Whatever benefits that colleague of yours claims motivate you, you could obtain much cheaper than what you pay and with much less effort than you expend.

Clearly, you believe you are getting your money's worth.

She, on the other hand, frees herself of all religious obligations, and, frankly, moral ones as well because the atheist has no requirement to be moral. She believes she is nothing more than overdeveloped pond slime, accidental debris of the big bang, and she is free to pick and choose basically anything that her heart desires.

And she says your beliefs are self-serving? Uhu.

Regarding your attributing life's experiences to Hashem's plan ("bashert"), that is a good thing. Even if you don't really feel it 100%, it's true, and the Pnimiyus influences the Chitzoniyus, so keep saying it.

But if you want to know how sincere you are now, the answer is, it depends whether your reliance on Hashem only happens after things occur, or you predicate your actions to begin with based on your Bitachon.

If someone loses their job, they say "it's bashert." They are correct, and they are right for saying it, no matter how much they really feel it.

But, when they do have a job, do they go to work with the attitude that "Everything is Bashert. How much Parnasa I make is already decreed. I will do what is necessary just to fulfill my requirement of Hishtadlus but more than that I don't need to do."?

That would answer your question.

Of course, there are many, many levels of Bitachon. It's not all or nothing. It is altogether possible to sincerely feel getting fired is Bashert without reducing your workload when you have a job. Life's a struggle and humans aren't always consistent. That doesn't mean you should throw away the Bitachon that you already have. If the goal is black, gray is better than white.