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#1 Soulrebel



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Posted 26 March 2012 - 12:23 AM

I don't like pretending to be anything but myself. I feel that I don't really fit in with the community around me- my sort of personality, my interests, my value system. I feel like in the eyes of my community I can never be "the best," and I want to be somewhere where I could potentially be "the best."

This is where relationships come in. I refuse to participate in a system where I would be a second-class citizen. I resent being viewed as such just because I'm a girl and there are supposedly zillions of girls per guy, and because I'm not one of these giggly girls who's into the idea that her hypothetical husband is some kind of king-baby who needs constant worshipping and care. I sense that my community has this attitude, and that's why I feel fundamentally incompatible with anyone from here.

Realistically my options are as follows
1) deceive some dude. NO.
2) Go OTD. Seriously complicated and inconsiderate. I'm too ignorant for that anyways.
3) Do some sort of morally iffy thing like have a bunch of boyfriends up until right before it's too late to have kids, then have kids on my own and raise them frum on my own
4) Win the lottery. Money will compensate for my inferior status and then some evil dude will marry and divorce me for the money. Of course, when he explains that he is more righteous than me, no one will care about me.

Obviously, I'm pessimistic and young, but the issue has become more relevant as I near graduation and financial independence.

Is there a moral solution that won't hurt anybody?

#2 Rabbi Shapiro

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Posted 04 April 2012 - 07:20 PM

Yes, there is.

The odds are, somewhere out there there's a guy who has a problem because he doesn't want one of those giggly girls and feels he's fundamentally incompatible with any female in our community. He's probably thinking whether he has any options besides fooling some girl, going off the derech, doing something morally iffy, or winning the lottery, which, he believes, would induce any girl to change to his liking, until she divorces him and takes her share of his money as described in their prenup.

He's out there thinking the same things you are, wondering if there's someone out there like you.

Find someone like that. You'd be surprised how many iconoclasts there are out there. They just don't flaunt it because its a hassle being the odd one out.

At the very least, you don't need to throw in the towel right now. Girls get less giggly as they get older. And in this regard, teenage years are kind of like dog years. A 16 year old and a 20 year old are like generations apart.

I know lots of couples where both husband and wife fit the characterization you describe.

#3 danceInTheRain



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Posted 07 April 2012 - 05:33 PM

hang in there.
i think youll be pleased to know that there are quite a few deep guys out there that do NOT want that run of the mill typical giggly girl.
i am dating now and i can tell you that many of the guys i met DID not want the kind of girl that comes cheaper by the dozen.
so i think you should add another option to your list.
take your uniqness to build your character into something really special and i am sure you will find some special guy who will be able to appreciate what you have. (and not just the potential lottery money...:))