3 replies to this topic

[ilavHashem]

so basicly if uve read my past stuff....ive had a history w guys...wtvs....long gone...im a changed person..blahhh blaaah blahhh

the situation:
im going to a hotel for pesach tht is modern n talking to boys is normal....i hav no frends or anyone i know going. n i do know there will be guys my age....n sum girls....but basicly the type that wud just be hanging out w the guys

the problem:
like i sed im goin n planning on making frends.....
1) w hu? if there all w the gys?
2) i was in a similar situation last year n i ended up having a "guy frend' hu is BH also a thing of the past....
its guna be so hard cus i know its wrong.....but i still wana hang out w them
my mind knows very clearly its not wat i want
yet even now my emotions r getting the better of me n im planning my future frendships w these imgainary guys......i feel pathetic n desperate .....i dnt know wat i want!

aaaaaaaaaaaa
i need sum practical advice
is it worth it to be frends w the normal guys....n then i wont keep up w them no matter wat n ill promise myself to be super tnius in dress speech and actions?
is it better to hide out in my room n pretend to be sik or sumthng?
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i miss being on the other end of these convos!!! whats hapening to me!!!

[shifpifer1]

Okay, first of all are you going with you family? do you have siblings? if so, you could hang out with them and walk around and paint yourself to be with your siblings and have fun or pretend to have fun with them. OR you never know, maybe there will be girls there who dont talk to boys. and if they do, when you are talking to the girls, you are not talking to the boys! Many times a guy will ask a girl to hang out and she will be vulnerable or wearing something not tznius or giving him a cue to come over. Like playing with her hair, or laughing loudly. So dont do things that attract attention. When all else is completely unavoidable, you can pretend to talk on the phone. Also, your not desperate, its okay to want to talk to boys, every girl should like boys, it means your normal. ANYWAYS, also daven and be honest with yourself of what you are letting in and what you are not. Have fun and also have a good time, you might even learn something this Pesach.

[danceInTheRain]

ilavhashem- your amazing for knowing to turn for advice too. the fact that you are on "this side of the convo..." makes me admire you even more.
my idea is for you to do things that will show people that you are not approchable. i dont know. it could be by making yourself look very busy or whatever.
also make youself a very clear red line. plan ahead. think of situations that might arise and plan your actions. dont just go into the situation saying "I hope to be good" cuz thats too vague.
and one last thing that always help me. take upon yourself something extra for the time that you are in the hotel. it doesnt even have to be something related to guys. the purpose of this is to remind yourself that you are a person that wants to grow and move foward.
and of course daven.
ask hashem to help you in this nisayon and tell him about this extra thing you are doing to keep yourself strong. and he will help you through this. tell him how hard this is for you and how scared you are and how much you really want to stay strong.
good luck

[dotherightthing]

hey ilavHashem, yasher koach for reaching out!!
just saying...I've actually been in very similar situations. i go to a pesach program every other year and its the time of most nisayon for me when it comes to boys. its so easy to just hang out with the guys there and its so fun and it makes u feel good. here are a few tips.
a. feel good about yourself. i can see you're really down on yourself now but if your positive and think I CAN PASS THIS TEST! I'm already halfway there by WANTING to "do the right thing" then u really will!!!
b. i had the same mentality going into a lot of pesachs that "who else will i hang out with if there r only guys...." but i realized that its just EASIER to make friends with guys. its much less effort, much less awkward and funner than making friends with girls, so i never really tried being friendly with a lot of girls. BUT u CAN b friends with girls!!!! it does require putting yourself out there more but it will b worth it! I'm SURE u can find some girls that aren't with guys all the time, and even if they do talk to guys you can hang out with them whenever they're not.
c. its hard to stay indside and hang out with the family instead of friends- trust me i know. but it can also be way funner than u think! give it a try!
if i were u id try a mixture of #2 and 3 to keep myself busy.
anyways, now I'm realizing that peach passed so this post is superfluous! but maybe for next peach this can help someone hatzlacha to all!