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How To Explain Quarrel To 3Rd Party And Avoid Loshen Horah?


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#1 JewishAttorney

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Posted 21 May 2012 - 06:08 PM

A person I know is someone I had a quarrel with and do not with to communicate with due to my opinion that what that person did was inappropriate and offensive to me.

He occasionally invites a mutual friend over his house to socialize/learn.

I declined mutual friend's invitations to come along to the house citing unrelated reasons. The real reason is my antipathy toward the person. I never expressed the real reason to anyone. I feel like the mutual friend is getting upset believing I don't want to spend time with him. If I have to make up a reason one more time, I am certain the mutual friend will be offended.

How can I explain the situation to the mutual friend without invoking loshen harah toward the person? Thanks.

#2 Rabbi Shapiro

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Posted 29 May 2012 - 07:03 AM

Is it not possible to accept the invitation when the mutual friend will not be there?

#3 JewishAttorney

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 10:37 AM

Oooops I've realized that I didn't articulate myself well enough. My mistake.

The person who invites people over is the one I am having an antipathy toward due to me being offended at him (the "Host").

The mutual friend ("Friend") is the person who wants me to come along to the Host's house to schmooze and learn.

I do not wish to come to the Host's house.

If that scenario comes up again (and it might) Is it possible to say something to the Friend so (a) I don't have to keep making up a false reason and (b.) at the same time do not invoke loshen harah toward the Host?

#4 Rabbi Shapiro

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 06:24 AM

You are allowed to make up a false reason if you want to, but often that leads to complications.

You can simply say you don't like going to this person's house. Make it a personal preference thing, as opposed to anything wrong with the host. As long as you communicate the reason as having to do with you and nothing derogatory at all about the host, you're OK.