The Torah tells us: כבד את אביך ואת אמך למען יאריכון ימיך
In our community, there was a man who devoted his days and nights to the mitzvah of kibud av v'em. There was never a phone call from them he didn't pick up or return. He brought them, cared for them, provided for them and spoke highly of them. Despite all the stress they placed on him and his family, he always did it with a smile. Furthermore, when we would discuss his parents with him he'd say, "Kibud av v'em is my mitzvah." He accepted his responsibilities and duties happily.
Suddenly, one morning, he died. He was in his early fifties.
How do we reconcile what happened with this young man with what the Torah says is the reward for kibud av v'em.
If The Reward For Kibud Av V'em Is Long Life, Why Did This Man Die Young?
Started by
Kshaniv
, Jun 03 2012 09:24 PM
6 replies to this topic
#2
Rabbi Shapiro
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Posted 04 June 2012 - 08:42 AM
The Gemora (Kiddushin 39b) asks your question. It says that the reward of long life for Kibud Av refers to life in the next world.
The Gemora also says there that when the Torah makes such statements, they have to be taken in context of the rest of the things the Torah says as well. So that for example, if someone went to fulfill Kibud AV and Shiluach haKen at the same time (both of which are rewarded with long life), but he also was thinking thoughts of idol worship, the Gemora says he could have his life cut short because, Kibud Av and Shiluach HaKen notwithstanding, in the aggregate, his actions caused a shortening of his life.
Torah rewards are like currency. If you owe me two million dollars and I promise you a million if you do something for me, even after I grant you our reward, your bank account may not show any gain. I reduced your debt by a million, fulfilling my promise, but you need to consider that as one of many transactions. In the net, you may or may not see a gain in your cash account.
So too when the Torah promises something. We always get what we are promised, but we need to understand that what happens in our lives is the net of many things we do. As in Chazal's statement: "The Jews were worthy of seeing miracles the second time they went into EY like they did the first, but their sins prevented it."
If their sins prevented it, then what does it mean when we say they were "worthy"?
It means they had merits that, considered alone, were sufficient to grant them miracles. But their sins netted out the merits.
On top of all this, your measure of a "long life" is in comparison with the life span of others. But that's not what long life means. it means relative to what the individual's fate decreed he would have had otherwise.
I knew a girl who was born with a terrible illness r"l, and the doctors said she would not live more than a few years. Miraculously, she grew up, married, and in her mid 30's passed away. I remember listening to her father speak at her levaya, thanking Hashem for the אריכות ימים she was granted.
So you never know what this man's life was destined to be before he made Kibud Av "his Mitzvah." It could very well be that when that man arrived in the next world, he saw that the priceless years of life he gained because of his fulfilling Kibud Av.
The Gemora also says there that when the Torah makes such statements, they have to be taken in context of the rest of the things the Torah says as well. So that for example, if someone went to fulfill Kibud AV and Shiluach haKen at the same time (both of which are rewarded with long life), but he also was thinking thoughts of idol worship, the Gemora says he could have his life cut short because, Kibud Av and Shiluach HaKen notwithstanding, in the aggregate, his actions caused a shortening of his life.
Torah rewards are like currency. If you owe me two million dollars and I promise you a million if you do something for me, even after I grant you our reward, your bank account may not show any gain. I reduced your debt by a million, fulfilling my promise, but you need to consider that as one of many transactions. In the net, you may or may not see a gain in your cash account.
So too when the Torah promises something. We always get what we are promised, but we need to understand that what happens in our lives is the net of many things we do. As in Chazal's statement: "The Jews were worthy of seeing miracles the second time they went into EY like they did the first, but their sins prevented it."
If their sins prevented it, then what does it mean when we say they were "worthy"?
It means they had merits that, considered alone, were sufficient to grant them miracles. But their sins netted out the merits.
On top of all this, your measure of a "long life" is in comparison with the life span of others. But that's not what long life means. it means relative to what the individual's fate decreed he would have had otherwise.
I knew a girl who was born with a terrible illness r"l, and the doctors said she would not live more than a few years. Miraculously, she grew up, married, and in her mid 30's passed away. I remember listening to her father speak at her levaya, thanking Hashem for the אריכות ימים she was granted.
So you never know what this man's life was destined to be before he made Kibud Av "his Mitzvah." It could very well be that when that man arrived in the next world, he saw that the priceless years of life he gained because of his fulfilling Kibud Av.
#5
Menorah
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Posted 06 June 2012 - 02:36 PM
It means a level of spirituality that is above time, where each moment is an eternity. The Gemora I cited calls it "יום שכולו ארוך".
Wouldn't everyone in the next world have that attribute (not just those who had kibud av v'eim)?
#7
shaya
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Posted 08 August 2013 - 10:14 AM
Start with God - the first step in learning is bowing down to God; only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and learning.
