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#21 ilavHashem

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Posted 30 March 2013 - 08:13 PM

Ok so im friends w her a bit
Like just in school type
She dusnt rlly hav frends so much
N if shes coming to me n saying tht then im not saying im taking her on as a chesed case
Doesn't she wana know sum1 cares??? Do u?
honestly if im havng an oppertunity to help
If Hashem put me in me in her life
Thn i want to do all i can
N if ur saying i shud stay away cus im nt a true frend... Fine.... But it just doesnt seem right

#22 badjew

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Posted 15 April 2013 - 12:23 AM

Sorry it took so long to get back to you... i can't speak for her, i can only speak for myself, and being that i don't know her, or her personality, or anything about her other than she's got an awesome friend named ilavHashem, i can't answer specifically. i can tell you my opinion, but you're going to have to do the practical application as you see fit...

What i was trying to say was that neither one of you should feel that she is your chessed case. As long as both of you are cognizant of this NOT being the case, then it shouldn't matter if you're "best" friends with her or stam someone she feels she can trust (you can get into a whole discussion of what friend means.For this purpose, lets take it to mean someone that one trusts, in which case you are her friend as she seems to trust you.). 

Yes she wants to know someone cares. Everyone does, even if she is not conscious of that desire at the moment. Apparently this person is. If you feel that you really truly can help, then go for it! But again, don't get in over your head. Yes you care, and yes Hashem put you there for a reason, and if you can help, that's awesome! Just be sure that you get any support that you might need. And again, that this is not the basis of your relationship. (Unless you don't want to be friends with her when this is over...) i'm sorry if i'm being unclear... 

בהצלחה!!!



#23 badjew

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Posted 23 October 2013 - 12:19 AM

hey! no need for anyone to respond, i just needed to get this out, and this is the only place i have left...

hope everyone is doing well, been davening for you all!

and now i'm going to ramble...

so trusting people is a big mistake. would've thought that i'd have realized that before, but wtvr. they all said try. so i did. and kept trying and kept trusting. and now it's just coming to stab me in the back. but wtvr. doesn't really matter. al tivtichu... b'ven adam and all that. and now that i'm not cutting i've gone back to my fun eating stuff. nothing terrible, but at the same time, i'm headed back where i don't wanna be. laxatives, restricting, all that fun stuff. last week i blacked out in the shower, been binging since, heading back for another fast... and today in school we were discussing how during pregnancy a woman can harm her child if she doesn't eat enough. i know that b'ezrat Hashem one day when i get pregnant i'll hate myself for getting fatter. and i know that it's almost a given taht i'll restrict. and it scares me. and yet,  sometimes i think that i won't ever be a problem cuz i can't get married cuz i can't trust anyone. and then what scares me most it that i can almost be ok with that-not getting married and not having children. but that's all i ever really dreamed of-building a family and doing it right and all that. it's what i wanted, want, so so much. and yet... idk. wtvr. 



#24 taon

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Posted 23 October 2013 - 02:46 PM

We dont have to respond? I want to respond, need to respond. I just dont know how to put things into words. But whatever I-we can do, we will. You can definitely trust us. You seem to realize that already.

Only problem is that we cant come in person. Hard as it is, can you think of anyone who hurt you who may have done it out of misguided attempt to help, and maybe learnt from their mistake or might be helpful in other ways? Im not suggesting to trust them  yet, just to keep them in mind for now.

 

As for the marriage issue, i dont think you're feeling so okay as much as resigned, the kind of feeling people get when their having a hard time with a struggle  and thinking of the future. Its not that strange to feel that way, and it doesnt mean you really have given up, or that you wont be able to manage it. things can and wil change by that time, so there's no use thinking how present you will have to react then.

 

I hope things improve,

please write back



#25 taon

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Posted 06 November 2013 - 10:08 PM

I dont get whats going on with them. Only thing  can think of, if any of them do have anormal conversation with you, tell them you appreciate it, or you enjoyed it. maybe theyll feel less helpless or whatever. meanwhile...im not good enough with conversation to offer advice in this, maybe send out a cute email with a funny story you heard/encountered or whatever, and send it to a bunch of peopele including her.

 

WHile i cant imagine what you're going through, i can somewhat relate to being unable to marry when everyone thinks you should be ready. it is hard, but, a lot of people get married later for all sorts of reasons. push the thought of it off so your mind doesnt feel compelled to accept not doing it.



#26 badjew

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 01:06 AM

B"H it all blew over. Was a long story, but yeah. Not with my teacher, but at least with my friend.  Whatever, b'ezrat Hashem all will work out eventually...

That being said, would it be possible to delete my whole long rant? There are things in there that would be potentially identifying, and in addition to that, if she ever stumbled across this, she'd be terribly hurt.

 

Yeah, I know. It's just hard when everyone around you is in "that" mode. But b'ezrat Hashem in the right time...

 

Thank you for your help. i really really appreciate it!



#27 badjew

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 08:03 PM

Thank you so much for deleting it! I really appreciate it!