Jump to content


Photo

I'm Stuck


  • Please log in to reply
1 reply to this topic

#1 SmileySimcha123

SmileySimcha123

    Member

  • Members
  • 65 posts

Posted 06 September 2012 - 05:04 PM

Hi! It's been a while but now I have another question. So here it goes: just recently I've been finding myself hanging out with my cousin who isn't frum. We used to be really close but with school and everyday life, we grew apart. But at a family gathering we saw each other and memories came up of all the "fun" we used to have. So from there my problem began. I started to go over her house and spend more time with her, thinking I could bring some clearity into her chaotic life. But I got sidetracked, and began to see myself turning into the person she is. I see what went wrong, but I don't know how to tell her we can't hang out anymore. What do I say when she asks me to go somewhere with her? How do I keep from old friends who are not frum?

#2 Rabbi Shapiro

Rabbi Shapiro

    Member

  • Administrators
  • 1,423 posts

Posted 11 September 2012 - 08:33 PM

" I started to go over her house and spend more time with her, thinking I could bring some clarity into her chaotic life. But I got sidetracked, and began to see myself turning into the person she is."

Very, very important principle: Do not try to save anyone from a burning building unless you are sure you're trained and possess the right equipment to do so.

I have seen so many people get involved in trying to help others with "derech" problems only to find themselves developing their own such problems. מתלמידי יותר מכולם works both ways sometimes.

(I wrote that for the rest of the readership. As you mention, you saw that on your own.)

As to how to tell them you can;t hang out with them anymore, if it is difficult, you should simply be conveniently "busy" with other things when they ask you to hang out. Eventually they will get the hint. Become that girl who stops hanging out with her friends because she found another clique. They may feel slighted when they realize you have lost interest in them, but that's the least slightedness (there should be such a word) you can expect.