How Do You Handle This? Please Answer
Posted 16 September 2012 - 10:39 AM
Posted 16 September 2012 - 11:47 AM
If your Mom would be asking me what to do, I would answer her. If she would ask how one does Teshuva, I would tell her. (However, I would only answer that question for her if she asks it after Yom Tov, because we aren't supposed to use our ability to do Teshuva as part of the reason to decide to do the Aveirah before we do it.)
But it's not your mother that is asking - it's you. You and your Mom are two different people, and although all Jews must care for each other and help each other - especially family members, and even more especially daughters daughters for their mothers - if there is nothing you can do to change the situation here, Hashem does not expect you to try, nor to feel guilty that you can't. The question, therefore, is what you should do.
The answer to that is, you should follow Chazal's instructions: אל תדין את חבירך עד שתגיע למקומו - having one's Parnasa on the line is a very very big Nisayon and being that the severity of an Aveirah is inversely proportionate to the intensity of the Nisayon (the smaller the Nisayon the bigger the Aveirah), we have no idea how Hashem is looking at your mother for this. Hashem told us in the Mishna that it's not our business to think about that. If we can help our fellow Jew - and especially our parents - we have to. But we are not capable of judging them unless we went through their Nisayon.
I would not try to give your mother encouragement in this case, because it will most likely come through either as judging or patronizing, depending upon what you say, even though you intended neither. Also, one may not, under any circumstances, tell someone that what they're doing is OK if it is really not. It's a very thin line that you have to walk if you want to say the right thing here, and it's easy to say the wrong thing unintentionally, so unless you feel very confident that you can walk that tightrope and give your mother words of encouragement without seeming patronizing or rationalizing her actions, I would advise against taking the chance.
Instead, you can only look at your Mom as someone who is going through a tremendous Nisayon, not lose respect or love for her because of it, and at the same time be heartbroken that this has happened - for this is definitely something to be very heartbroken about. And - this is very important - pray to Hashem שתצילנו לא לידי נסיון - that you Mom should not be put into such a position in the future.
The rest is between your Mom and Hashem.
Posted 16 September 2012 - 11:53 AM
Obviously, this isn't a new nisayon. It's what our grandparents fought against, despite everything. It's what kept Judaism alive through Churban Europe. I'm sure you've heard the stories. Today, Baruch Hashem, there are more recourses we can take. Please keep us updated.
Posted 16 September 2012 - 12:03 PM
Posted 19 September 2012 - 03:21 PM