This is a very long and complicated story, but my mom works at a secular place and she's not able to take Monday off! There is no way possible that she can! Rabbi, how do we deal with something like this? How does hashem feel if we really tried, but "have" to go againts his command of not doing work?! How to you repent for such a thing?! Please help!!!
How Do You Handle This? Please Answer
Started by
SmileySimcha123
, Sep 16 2012 10:39 AM
6 replies to this topic
#2
Rabbi Shapiro
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Posted 16 September 2012 - 11:47 AM
There are two different questions here: Yours, and your Mom's.
If your Mom would be asking me what to do, I would answer her. If she would ask how one does Teshuva, I would tell her. (However, I would only answer that question for her if she asks it after Yom Tov, because we aren't supposed to use our ability to do Teshuva as part of the reason to decide to do the Aveirah before we do it.)
But it's not your mother that is asking - it's you. You and your Mom are two different people, and although all Jews must care for each other and help each other - especially family members, and even more especially daughters daughters for their mothers - if there is nothing you can do to change the situation here, Hashem does not expect you to try, nor to feel guilty that you can't. The question, therefore, is what you should do.
The answer to that is, you should follow Chazal's instructions: אל תדין את חבירך עד שתגיע למקומו - having one's Parnasa on the line is a very very big Nisayon and being that the severity of an Aveirah is inversely proportionate to the intensity of the Nisayon (the smaller the Nisayon the bigger the Aveirah), we have no idea how Hashem is looking at your mother for this. Hashem told us in the Mishna that it's not our business to think about that. If we can help our fellow Jew - and especially our parents - we have to. But we are not capable of judging them unless we went through their Nisayon.
I would not try to give your mother encouragement in this case, because it will most likely come through either as judging or patronizing, depending upon what you say, even though you intended neither. Also, one may not, under any circumstances, tell someone that what they're doing is OK if it is really not. It's a very thin line that you have to walk if you want to say the right thing here, and it's easy to say the wrong thing unintentionally, so unless you feel very confident that you can walk that tightrope and give your mother words of encouragement without seeming patronizing or rationalizing her actions, I would advise against taking the chance.
Instead, you can only look at your Mom as someone who is going through a tremendous Nisayon, not lose respect or love for her because of it, and at the same time be heartbroken that this has happened - for this is definitely something to be very heartbroken about. And - this is very important - pray to Hashem שתצילנו לא לידי נסיון - that you Mom should not be put into such a position in the future.
The rest is between your Mom and Hashem.
If your Mom would be asking me what to do, I would answer her. If she would ask how one does Teshuva, I would tell her. (However, I would only answer that question for her if she asks it after Yom Tov, because we aren't supposed to use our ability to do Teshuva as part of the reason to decide to do the Aveirah before we do it.)
But it's not your mother that is asking - it's you. You and your Mom are two different people, and although all Jews must care for each other and help each other - especially family members, and even more especially daughters daughters for their mothers - if there is nothing you can do to change the situation here, Hashem does not expect you to try, nor to feel guilty that you can't. The question, therefore, is what you should do.
The answer to that is, you should follow Chazal's instructions: אל תדין את חבירך עד שתגיע למקומו - having one's Parnasa on the line is a very very big Nisayon and being that the severity of an Aveirah is inversely proportionate to the intensity of the Nisayon (the smaller the Nisayon the bigger the Aveirah), we have no idea how Hashem is looking at your mother for this. Hashem told us in the Mishna that it's not our business to think about that. If we can help our fellow Jew - and especially our parents - we have to. But we are not capable of judging them unless we went through their Nisayon.
I would not try to give your mother encouragement in this case, because it will most likely come through either as judging or patronizing, depending upon what you say, even though you intended neither. Also, one may not, under any circumstances, tell someone that what they're doing is OK if it is really not. It's a very thin line that you have to walk if you want to say the right thing here, and it's easy to say the wrong thing unintentionally, so unless you feel very confident that you can walk that tightrope and give your mother words of encouragement without seeming patronizing or rationalizing her actions, I would advise against taking the chance.
Instead, you can only look at your Mom as someone who is going through a tremendous Nisayon, not lose respect or love for her because of it, and at the same time be heartbroken that this has happened - for this is definitely something to be very heartbroken about. And - this is very important - pray to Hashem שתצילנו לא לידי נסיון - that you Mom should not be put into such a position in the future.
The rest is between your Mom and Hashem.
#3
taon
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Posted 16 September 2012 - 11:53 AM
What place? Maybe we can find something to help. If it's in America, if she pushes enough, she can probably get off due to religious reasons. If you tell us what state/country, we can try to find soemthing to build her case. If she works hard after to make up for it, BiEzras Hashem she should get off okay without much hard feelings, if any. If neccessary she can hint about suing perhaps. Can someone fill in for her?
Obviously, this isn't a new nisayon. It's what our grandparents fought against, despite everything. It's what kept Judaism alive through Churban Europe. I'm sure you've heard the stories. Today, Baruch Hashem, there are more recourses we can take. Please keep us updated.
Obviously, this isn't a new nisayon. It's what our grandparents fought against, despite everything. It's what kept Judaism alive through Churban Europe. I'm sure you've heard the stories. Today, Baruch Hashem, there are more recourses we can take. Please keep us updated.
#4
taon
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Posted 16 September 2012 - 12:03 PM
I looked it up, and in America an employer can only refuse to let worker off for a religious holdiay when it causes a sizeable loss. Can you find out how much of a loss theye xpect? If it can't be covered up by your mother or her coworkers, the local Jewish community may be able to raise funds to make up the loss of profit or, if allowed Halachically, to pay someone to replace her for the day. And if they can't, reach out. Thsi is a time for achdus and strengthening observance, we'll all be ahppy to help. Also, perhaps the possibility of negative publicity or lawsuits, even without a case, would be enough to deter them.
#5
SmileySimcha123
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Posted 16 September 2012 - 01:00 PM
Thankyou so so much. I feel a lot better not having to worry about it. And she works at a law office. The problem is that all the other women in the office took the day of except for one. The one that didn't is new and can't be left alone.
#7
SmileySimcha123
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Posted 19 September 2012 - 03:21 PM
It's too late, but no. The rest of the women were in Florida. And she said she had davened to hashem and she felt she needed to stay behind. I had asked her if there was any possibility in which she could take it off but she didn't really seem to want to talk.
