I'm not quite sure what to do. im of marriagable age, and thank goodness i have a sister older than me who is dating so i dont really have that much pressure to start.
But im freaking out because i know that if she does, imy"H get engaged soon...my mother will be putting me up to the plate next. And i dont really know if i want to be getting married. At least not for a while. I dont want to be with a guy. k, no that might have sounded wrong, i would want a guy but i dont want to be in a relationship with one. the idea of marriage freaks me out, of being in a relationship with someone where you have to commit yourself and him and your family is counting on you. i dont want to destroy the family i could have. i feel like the reason men freak me out, is because i was abused when i was a child, and the strange relationships ive had with people since then does no help to that. im writing this here because i have no where else to say it. but i cant answers or advice from elsewhere because no one i know knows about this....im not sure which steps to be taking next, yes, i know i might have some time because of my sister, but my mother might just want to start with me iif nothing happens soon, chas v'shalom....
The Fear Of It All
Started by
gettingbettereveryday
, Sep 27 2012 02:02 PM
5 replies to this topic
#4
Rabbi Shapiro
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Posted 17 October 2012 - 03:34 PM
I agree with you that you are not ready yet, but not because you're too young. Based on your post above, you have certain issues you need to get past in order to acquire the self-confidence you need to be an אשת חיל and עקרת הבית. If you feel a husband and family may not be able to count on you, then, well, you may be right. You mentioned that you were abused when you are a child. Here's my advice: Please seek professional help. I cannot say that this is something you will simply grow out of. Your age is not the problem. You need to deal with this and you need to enlist the help of someone trained to help situations such as yours. Please get help.
#5
gettingbettereveryday
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Posted 19 October 2012 - 02:33 AM
i went to see s/o while i was away at school, but that was there. now that im back, i dont really have that option. i try not to bring it up w/ my mother because its a hard topic to discuss and she wont listen to me. she knows i have some issues, but she chooses to ignore it and doesnt want me going back to a therapist. honestly, so much is going on outside and inside of me, i cant handle it anymore. i feel like exploding, i feel down, sad and have depressive or panicked thoughts most of the time- i just want it all to go away. i Want to talk to s/o and get e/t off my head, but its so much (i took a step forward with that therapist, but thats been it), especially since ive never spoken to anyone about my problems, i always shoved it under the rug. and now im scared to move on in life, and i have so many questions. i want to see s/o but my parents wont let me for various reasons. i dont have anyone else to talk to, and i tried contacting my therapist, but she cant do anything cuz i dont see her anymore. i just feel hopeless and deadened by e/t inside...
#6
Soulrebel
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Posted 28 October 2012 - 05:54 PM
Try your best to push it off. Whenever someone who's not your mom mentions some guy, smile politely and say "Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm not at that stage yet." Keep telling your mom you don't want this- is she seriously going to walk into your room one day and say "hey, you have a date arriving in half an hour" without any prior warning? Probably not. Worst case scenario, if some guy does show up to take you for coffee, as soon as you get out of the car or are about to get on a bus/train, tell him "I'm sorry, there has been a misunderstanding. Despite what people have told you, I'm not dating. It's nothing personal and good luck with finding your bashert." He'll appreciate you telling him before you wasted (more of) his time and money. Ultimately it is your choice. If you can't deal with it now, then you just can't. If everyone thinks you're old/mature enough to get married, then your're old/mature enough to not get married
