1 reply to this topic

[ilavHashem]

i know someone who cuts
sometimes i feel like she's proud of it
im really close to her
and i know she has a hard life
i wish i could help
she would feel so put off if i even mentioned therapy or something of the sort
and she always tells me she's stopping, but sometimes can't help it because it's so hard
i once threatened her to tell someone, she was getting so out of hand
i would urge her to talk to someone but i just don't know who
she doesn't have a mentor, she sometimes calls me her mentor, but i'm only a few years older than her and definetely more of a friend than anything, i'm not gunna lie, i can't be there for her like a teacher can, with no bias or fear of rejection
i love her so dearly
but she would hate me if i told someone without her permission, and i really wouldn't be able to stand that
her parents know, but they are often the cause of the problem, they see it as a cry for attention and are too fed up to really address the problem
i know im rambling now,
i just hope someone has answers

also, as a last resort, would it be an ok idea for me to go over to a teacher i trust and ask for advice,
idk how to help
but i have to
im not going to just stand by and watch her do this to herself, just being there for her isn't going to be enough
i have to do somthing

thanks in advance

[Rabbi Shapiro]

All you can do at this point is (a) to provide her with information about cutting that will motivate her to seek help - websites, how other girls you know dealt with it, etc.

(b.) Be her friend and be there for her. Here's the thing: One day, hopefully, your friend will wake up and decide she wants to get help. Hopefully it won't be something that traumatizes her into seeking help, but one way or another, it's likely she will one day want to get help. When that time comes - and it may only be a moment of an עת רצון that may not last very long - you want to be the one who she comes to for advice (as opposed to having nobody there for her, or someone who will give her bad advice or exploit her situation etc.). The way to make that happen is for you to be there for her and to be her friend even when she has no interest in getting help.

So you need to be there for her, and stay alert for an עת רצון. Keep her in your crosshairs and be ready when that moment arrives.

And pray that it does arrive.

On more thing: Don't be her friend because you want to help her. Instead, you should want to help her because you are her friend.