I am a 19 year old non-american girl writing. And I am in real deep trouble:
A few years ago I went through a very difficult time and had a hard time dealing with it, as I was a very rebolious teenager. I was near to go off the derech when I was saved by a very special person.
Now five years later, I find myself at the same point, just this time I am not angry at Hashem, if I can say that, I am just very fed up with my life and the current situation. The only thing that kept me going over the past 9 months, was a non Jewish man I had met and had close contact to. At first it was a very friendly relationship, him just helping me, but then I developed feelings for him and so did he. We became very close and...we did meet a few times. Now we both agreed to lessen the contact, as it would be beneficial for the both of us. by lessening I just meant, no meeting anymore, less writing and texting, but hes not responding to my messages anymore. And now i feel lonely, left alone, betrayed and worse than before I met him. I am trying to cope but I cant and I find myself wishing not to be jewish so I can be together with him, feeling good, not alone, secure, and being with him with out restrictions.
Please help me. because i cant see any way out. Either way I will be doing sthng wrong. and the loneliness and all the feelings are killing me
Posted 05 December 2012 - 02:17 AM
Posted 09 December 2012 - 03:15 PM
Please see this thread. What I wrote there applies to you as well. And the pain that I felt from the poster in that thread I feel in you as well. I pray for your Hatzlachah. Please reflect on what I wrote on that other thread, and feel free to comment or ask anything you like.
Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:35 AM
Thanks for your answer.
So a little bit about my background...
I am working, finished school a long time ago. Our community is small-ish and those rebellious issues and thoughts I am fighting with have been there since...well a long time.
Just a short question now-just coz I dont no Halacha. What do I need to do now-since i violated Yichud and was Over on Shomer...What do I need to do now?
Posted 11 December 2012 - 12:12 PM
When you say you were Over on "Shomer" I assume you mean "Negiah." I avoid using that tag, which was designed to make that Aveirah sound more like an option (as in "I am shomer" or "Are you shomer." Nobody would describe eating Chazer or breaking Shabbos that way.)
What you need now is (a) to do Teshuva, and (b.) understand that upon doing Teshuva you have a 100% totally fresh start, that שבע יפול צדיק וקם - that we don't win all the battles in life, sometimes we do the wrong thing, but that does not mean there is anything wrong with us. Tomorrow is another day, and if we really sincerely regret what we did and recsolve not to do it again, what we did in the past is erased. Literally, totally, completely. After Teshuva, the Aveirah never happened. It is removed from history. It is important to know this in order not to think that your Neshama has baggage, which tends damage our spiritual image of ourselves. After Teshuva, there is no baggage. Our Neshama is clean.
Teshuva consists of those two things - (1) regretting what we did and (2) resolving not to do it again. The only thing that is required is sincerity. If you really feel the regret and resolution, the Teshuva is valid.
Please see my post of 11/23/11 here.