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I Need Both Of You

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#1 Alone



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Posted 25 December 2012 - 10:23 PM



You are occupied with your maybe engagement coming up

You are depressed, overly sensitive and to occupied with yourself



I just need a listening ear

But you are preoccupied with him

But you are taken over by your illness



I should be happy for you in your time of joy

I should be sad for you with this monster taking you over


Let Go

But I can't be happy it's so hard when I want this joyous occasion to happen to me. This is your second guy and I already went out with at leat five

But I can't accept you for who you are,  it's so hard to see you this way.  I want this monster that's taking you over to go away but this is who you are now.




#2 danceInTheRain



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Posted 26 December 2012 - 03:32 AM

I like your style. 

what is it that you need to say so badly?

sounds like two people you used to lean on have gone away and left you feeling alone. 

care to share?

#3 Alone



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Posted 26 December 2012 - 04:47 PM

Its not that they have gone away they are still there sort of but....

There are times in life that things happen and you just need a friend to be there to listen.    I needed to discuss a hard situation i went through on Monday night and  my friends were/are pretty much preoccupied with other things.  One of my friends is 99% getting engaged so her mind is on the boy and my other friend was diagnosed with a mental health disorder recently.   Therefore, it is really hard because sometimes I need to talk to them about something and they are not there to listen, they are in their own world.  I am really happy for my friend but I am currently trying to find my bashert so I am trying to be happy for her but it is hard.  I am trying to accept my friend who developed this mental health disorder but its hard cause she went from being the number one friend I went to for everything to me walking on egg shells around her and trying to just be there for her.  Don't worry I am seeing a therapist and disscusing things with her such as my friend but a friend is just easier to talk to sometimes.

Get it ?????  Thanks for listening.

#4 7-yipol-tzadik-vekam!



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Posted 31 December 2012 - 08:46 PM

Hi Alone,

Just wanted to let you know your poem really hit home. I relate to what you are going thru, and am actually going thu something similar where 2 of my closest friends are in the 2 situations you described (well one is already engaged, not getting engaged but same idea). Its funny, cuz I think, ok my friends are busy with different things right now, and obviously i care for them and try to be with them in their time of joy/ challenge- but why i am letting the fact that they are busy get to me so much, I am a big girl, I'm not in high school anymore, why am I so dependent on my friends. But it still is a really big deal for me, and I needed to accept that. 

And I have also gone to a therapist and I know what you mean about it not being the same confiding in a friend vs a therapist. 

I really like how you ended your poem with talking about davening. So many times I have also felt that davening, sometimes to the point of begging from a place of desperation (reminds me of levels of Tefillah- if you ever learned Shearim BeTefillah by Rav Pincus when he talks of Bitzur vs Shavah vs Tzakah etc) , has been what helps me get through the times i feel so so alone. 

Anyways, another thing that helped me but i dont know if its shayach to you is that I was probably too over invested in these friendships, and cared too much about maintaining the friendships to the point of being slightly overbearing and neglecting others in my life. For me this experience is helping me to learn a little to let go of my friends and give them some space, and to invest in other relationships, like my family that I had been neglecting for a while and other friends that I haven't been keeping up with. (in addition of course to still trying to be there for my other friends)

Much Hatzlacha with this challenge and all others (and with finding your zivug soon BEH!)