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Kibud Av Vaem

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#1 forever613



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Posted 14 April 2013 - 09:58 PM

How do you do kibud av ve'em while still make your own individual decisions, like if you wish to do something that your parents prefer you don't do? In other words, how do you balance being an adult by making your own choices while still honoring your parents wishes, if they differ from your own?

#2 Rabbi Shapiro

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Posted 15 April 2013 - 07:07 AM

Kibud Av V'Em only applies to issues that relate to the parents, such as doing things for them, or showing them honor. But individual decisions, such as which Yeshiva to go to or who to marry, are not within the bounds of Kibud Av V'Em. Of course, part of being an adult is recognizing that others may be wiser than us and having the humility to admit that we should follow those wiser people. Growing up does not mean merely making your own decisions. It means making the right decisions, even if that means listening to someone else. For one to admit that someone else knows better than him is much more adult behavior than someone arrogantly insisting that his own meager knowledge must carry the day.


So listening to your parents when you disagree has nothing to do with honoring your parents, but it my have to do with your being an adult. 


As to the difference between teenagers listening to their parents and younger children doing so, see this article.