1 reply to this topic

[estherhamalka26]

ok, so this olderguy who i kind of knew but not so well asked me if i wanted to "get to know him better" aka go on a date with him.. and from what i know about him i can't picture myself with him - less religious than me, and also personality and family and intellect i don't find so compatible.. but before answering him i spoke to a rabbi who is very close with this boy, and who i have spoken to several times, so he knows both of us pretty well. he said to me that he doesn't think this guy is for me, and i should tell him that i don't think i'm ready for a relationship yet, and reject him gently. and that's what i did. 

at first, i was content with my decision because i truly felt that this guy wasnt for me, and i really trusted the rabbi who knows both of us. but lately i have been getting some weird signs that i should not have rejected him and it's beginning to really freak me out. i am not usually one who is superstitious at all but lately in many conversations with friends or family i've been hearing things like: (not always but sometimes directed to me)  you should never reject a guy even if you think it won't work out because you never know, Hashem as a plan, etc.. and i heard this a few times like within a week of my rejecting him. and then i told myself not to believe in signs and such.. but then this past shabbat i heard a shiur about how we should recognize when Hashem is sending us signs through different messengers (like how he sent messages through bilam's donkey and the satan) and we should pay attention to them and know when Hashem is giving us hints and helping us out, and that we shouldn't miss opportunities when they come to us etc.. and my heart was beating so fast after this i was so scared because i had been getting all these "signs" that i shouldn't have rejected this guy even though my gut feeling was that i didn't want to date him and this VERY wise rabbi that i respect and who knows both of us well said he doesn't think he is for me...

so now i am really really confused and lost and afraid... and it's not like i'd go back to this guy and say i changed my mind let's go out.. but the signs and especially the fact that i just heard a dvar torah on shabbat about how we should pick up on signs is really freaking me out!!

i would appreciate any help.. thank you

[Rabbi Shapiro]

You should ignore the "signs." We cannot rely on such things nowadays because we are not on the level to properly recognize and interpret such signs. Bilam was a Navi - the biggest in the world, as we know, on a par with Moshe Rabbeinu. We can't even interpret a piece of Gemora without Rashi; we cannot be expected - and Hashem does not expect us - to rely on "signs." 

 

Hashem gave us our Sechel. Whatever the Sechel says - that's a sign from Hashem. Who do you think put that sechel into your head if not Hashem? Your sechel is the "sign" that you should rely on. 

 

You did the right thing by asking advice, and it seems the advice was sound. Find another guy. This one is not for you.

 

(For the record, you should know that even if your donkey tells you otherwise - you should surely listen to the Talmid Chacham over the donkey. Bilam's sechel knew he should not curse the Jews; his desire for money blinded him. The donkey just reminded him of what his sechel knows. If you know something to be true, don't listen to a donkey (the Satan can also make donkeys talk, by the way). Do what you know is right.)